h a l f b a k e r yPoint of hors d'oevre
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De-asser
For those filthy asshats that tailgate on the freeways. | |
Everyone knows that if you get rear-ended, it's the pissant behind you's fault. Everyone has also had one of those stomp-on-the-brake moments where we try to get the fellow behind us to back off. Therefore, I offer a "vehicle extension": Attach two rods to a strong support on the underbody, attach
two heavy-duty springs to the poles and fix these to the bumper. Re-attach your bumper with those cheap plastic holders, and then run a wire to a triggering switch onto your steering wheel.
Next time said asshat decides to burn your retinas with those halogen headlights, you've got an insurance claim (or at least some satisfaction).
[link]
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I don't believe for one moment that you're a Minister of the Church, [reverend]. Where is your forgiveness? |
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Depends on which church, but I keep my forgiveness in a little handbag by the bed. Really though, a lost headlight is a bit better than an epileptic fit from flashy lights in the rearview, hm? |
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Your problem (among many) good [reverend] is that your vision, while sharp, lacks scope. An augmented second bumper is a partial solution at best. This should be an entire false second car, loosely affixed to your rear bumper, but camouflaged so that it appears to be an ordinary extension of your vehicle. The system is analogous to those lizards which can detach the tails and leave a would-be assailant to deal with it, while the lizard departs the scene. On being tailgated, instead of a stomp on the brake moment, you would simply flip a switch and detach your false second car behind you. Your tailgater will have to deal with the junker slowly decelerating in front of him. |
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The junker should also be provisioned with a dead animal of some sort in the drivers seat - perhaps a pig, or mummified ape. When the junker crashes into the tailgater or runs off the road, this will serve as the explanation. |
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Oooh, kind of an overgrown type of automotive chaff. If I didn't think it would bounce around and take out innocents, I could bun it. |
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Perhaps it could be inflatable, and you could balloon it at the tailgater, then retract the remnants. |
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Inflatable or not. I can't in good conscience bring myself to vote against an idea that is named "De-asser" and also manages to fit in the words "asshats" and "pissant". |
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