De-Fustered Golf

Golf must be one of most ponderously tiresome games on the planet for its spectators. All that waiting around for people to take their shots, especially on the putting green, but this comes to an end with the introduction of De- Fustered Golf.

This variation has two simple features that speed up the game by a significant factor.

The first of these is called: "The Time Limiting, Small Trembling Hand, Golf Tee."

This is a tee in the form of a tiny arm, terminating in a small, cupped hand into which is placed the golf ball. As soon as the tee is sunk into the ground and the ball placed on it, the player only has a few seconds of time in which to strike the ball. This is because the tee has a little engine inside, along with a timer, which causes the hand to twitch and shake, and drop the ball, if you take too long. The player then loses that shot and has to tee off from a ground position, placing them at a considerable disadvantage against a speedier opponent.

The second device is called: "The Fidgeting Ball That Penalises Prolonged Deliberation."

This is contained inside the actual golf ball, and is activated only within the confines of the putting green surrounding each hole. Once the ball lands here, there is a set amount of time before radio signals switch on the fidgeting mechanism, causing the ball to begin twitching, making an accurate shot very difficult. Each time a ball is struck, a decreasing amount of time is automatically allocated and set before it starts twitching again.

With these two devices deployed, players will now rapidly tee off and positively race towards each hole, eager to swiftly take their putts in order to avoid the dreaded twitching ball.