h a l f b a k e r yThe halfway house for at-risk ideas
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After spending the weekend in the presence of my brother-in-laws children, I pondered on the possibility of a de-energising drink. If you could zap the energy of the little blighters, life would be so much more peaceful.
Loserade? Dead Bull?
[link]
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Cognac?
Cough-medicine?
Opium? |
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leeches. hmm yes thats what dad called us. |
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Heh. Immoral and quite possibly illegal, but a wonderful idea. (+). |
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I still prefer the good old fashion method: rope, gags and convenient immovable object or car roof rack. This might help those with insomnia get to sleep easier. |
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How about an orange flavoured diazepine-laden soft drink called "Slumpy Delight" ? |
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It's a good idea as far as it goes and I can see it being extended over a whole range of child-attractive foodstuffs. However, it doesn't quite have the appeal of a collar or belt which administers a severe electric shock if the little bu88ers run about or make too much noise (or whenever you push the button on the remote control, heh heh heh). |
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Had I a million croissants to bestow, I would give them all to you. Sadly, I have but one. |
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[8th], electric shocks just cause more noise. |
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I like. I have this vivid memory of the British Olympic-gold-winning decathelete, Daly Thomson in a TV advert for 'Lucozade' sports drink. |
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He is at the starting blocks of a sprint. The direcor cuts back and forward between him preparing to leave the blocks and a traffic light set. All to the fantastic tune of 'Phantom of the Opera' by Iron Maiden. |
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Now transpose this (with very same rousing theme music) to a very lazy couch potato reaching for the TV remote control but finding it too difficult a task. |
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After a recent similar experience I pondered the idea of a toddler tranquilizer gun, but refrained from posting it. It would be rather handy though. |
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Some kind of insulin inhibitor, to induce temporary hyperglycemia. In a can. Blackcurrant-flavoured, for preference. |
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As a diabetic man, I can attest to the severe drowsiness which results from overly high levels of blood glucose. It would work a treat. |
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<<shudder>> One can only hope that all of this is satire. |
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I love babies but I couldn't eat a whole one :) |
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I once drank eight red bulls in one night. The air conditioning was off and I started to sweat it out. I reeked of red bull for the next day and a half. It's like garlic that way. |
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//One can only hope that all of this is satire// |
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I can just see this comeing back to haunt us in court. |
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Lawyer: Did you, Mister Manatee, or did you not, under an assumed name, participate in an internet forum concerning the abuse of children by controlled substances? |
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Lawyer: And did you not yourself suggest supplying these substances to a child? |
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Lawyer: Well, the plaintiff, Mister Snarfyguy, had no way of knowing. He overdosed his child on Opium and warm milk! |
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FM: Er... maybe it was the milk? |
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SO, FOR THE RECORD, IT WAS SATIRE! |
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Warm milk, Ovaltine, camomile tea? |
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Also, a common medication for teething children is gripe water, the main ingredient of which is alcohol. |
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A lovely fruit drink with a subtle hint of Thorazine [sp] should do the trick... |
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<no satire intended>Why the hell not? As an adult I regulate my mood up and down using coffee in the morning and often a glass of wine at night to relax. Kids only have the up option through soda. 'course we'd have to find something as safe as caffiene, but if all it does is calm them down I'm all for it. Or we can just kill the caffiene option for kids in the first place, but that's a different issue.</nsi> |
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