h a l f b a k e r yQuis custodiet the custard?
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In the linked idea, a proposal was made to send a
dachsund down a luge course.
Amusing though this might be the first few times, it lacks
a
certain appeal.
Proposed, therefore, is a more entertaining Daschund
Luge. Our marketing team have tentatively suggested
calling it "Daschund Luge
II", which I think is an excellent
title.
It is first necessary to find (a) a steep hillside and (b)
somewhere in the region of 48,000 daschunds. All should
be of the short-haired variety.
It is next necessary to persuade, by whatever means
necessary, the 48,000 daschunds (b) to stand in tight-
packed formation on the aforementioned hillside (a). All
daschunds should be facing uphill, and must be trained
to
keep their heads down at all costs.
It should now be possible for a slickly-clad (or naked and
dry) human to luge downhill on the backs of the packed
daschunds. Initial calculations suggest that the transient
per-daschund load will not be unreasonable.
As a bonus, fine metal chains are dangled in a curtain
across the bottom end of the Daschund Luge II.
Depending
on humidity, speed and clothing, the human participant
should be charged to the tune of several MV by the time
they reach this point, and will create a satisfying spark
as
they whoosh through the chain curtain.
The Linked Idea
Dachshund_20Luge
[MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 26 2016]
[link]
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Nice choice of category. I see this in the next summer Olympics, with judging based on style and spark measurement. |
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Outstanding. A 5MV bun for you [+++++] |
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The static charge generated should be used to send
tiny shocks to the pleasure centres of the
dachshunds' brains |
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But Daschunds are genetically happy anyway - you
never see a sad Daschund. |
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Higher voltages could be attained by the use of cat fur, and cats are much, much easier to fix in place. For example, cats can be embedded in quick-setting Plaster of Paris, then assembled into easily handled and stackable 500mm x 500mm panels for transport to site. |
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A thin sheet of pre-printed stiff board is placed in the bottom of a silicone tray. Cyanoacrillate adhesive is applied to the cat's paws and tail, and they are then attached to the board at the marked locations. The plaster mix is then poured in and allowed to set. Once set, the block, complete with cat, can be removed from the mould and set aside ready for the next part of the process. |
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The tail makes a convenient carrying handle for the sub-assembly. |
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Alternatively, cats can be attached to sheets of MDF with an air-powered industrial nail gun. |
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// In the linked idea, a proposal was made to send a
daschund down a luge course. // |
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And then the spelling was corrected. |
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Well, I've never been one to bow to German ideals of
spelling. But fixed. |
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//dachsund// just a bit more... |
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// German ideals of spelling // |
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... such as the Queen's English .... |
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//Alternatively, cats can be attached to sheets of MDF
with an air-powered industrial nail gun.// |
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It's this kind of casual attitude that brings us all down. I
really urge you to think more carefully before posting
such comments. If you want to attach cats to MDF,
nailing really isn't the way. Even with a nail gun you have
some real issues to be aware of, MDF splits. In every
direction imaginable. The nail diameter is extremely
limited. Even with ideal conditions, you're going to drive
the nail into the surface of the other side and that
frequently lifts it, aesthetically awful. Nails grip very
poorly in MDF, so it may be advantageous to nail through
the MDF into the cat, but then there's so little
information about the average cat as a nailing substrate. |
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It is possible that one of the Roman emperors less
encumbered by the restrictions of sanity presided over a
number of underlings who acquired significant experience
of cat-to wood nailing, but alas, such experience is lost. |
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//Nails grip very poorly in MDF// What you want
there is a ring-shank nail, mate. |
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// It's this kind of casual attitude that brings us all down. // |
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Sorry, yes, MDF is a stupid idea. It might work with thick sections of Sterling board, or shuttering ply. |
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We humbly beg forgiveness. In future, we will always carry out extensive tests when nailing cats to anything, rather than extrapolating from limited data derived from a small, unrepresentative sample. |
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If any Roman Emperor knew about nailing cats to things, it would most likely be Gaius Augustus Caligula. We shall commence a literature search immediately. |
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Surely screws would be superior than nails in
retaining any animal? Then you could say 'I
screwed the pooch' with pride. |
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Dachshunds do eventually die of old age. Their pelts could
be saved such that this Idea could be implemented without
using live animals trained to hold still. |
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Who said anything about training cats ? Well-known to be impossible. |
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//Who said anything about training cats ? Well-known to
be impossible.// |
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Again, this is partial information at best. While it's true
that cats respond poorly to the kind of training that
works well on dogs or junior government ministers, there
are alternatives. Rose bushes are spiky, uncooperative
organisms, much like cats. Both may be trained in the
same manner, traditionally a stout frame and plenty of
sturdy garden twine. As it grows, you may dictate the
exact shape you desire. |
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More like the type of 'real' half-baked idea that used to be
commonplace here. I would like to promote a camel hump
version of this luge, to provide a more 'textured' descent. |
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