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Crowdball
Finally, a sport that almost anyone can play professionally | |
Almost anyone, because in this soccer-like game, each team will require 10,000 players, all playing at once. The game takes place on a small soccer field, 200 feet long by 100 wide, and before beginning, the field is marked into boxes, each one square foot in area. The turf is then COVERED by the players
from both teams, and each player MUST stand in his/her box during the entire game.
The ball is advanced by throwing it overhead. However, long throws are risky since, with the crowd so tight, it can easily be intercepted or fall into the other team's hands. So hand-to-hand overhead passing of the ball may be safer but slower. However, this is only possible when there happens to be a teammate directly adjacent to you.
The goals are at each end of the field; only the front rowmen are allowed to throw the ball at the goal. Men in the second and further ranks must first pass the ball forward to a frontsman and let him score the goal.
Note that it will be VERY VERY crowded on the field and almost impossible to see more than one or two places in front of you. For players to perform well, they must MEMORIZE where their teammates are in each direction and learn to pass the ball overhead accurately, to all distances.
You especially need to remember where "islands" of your teammates are, because these are the safest areas to aim.
BIG-SCREEN TVs are positioned around the field so that players can watch what's going on while they're standing in the crowd waiting for the ball.
PRELIMINARY SETUP. The pattern of players is determined by the Commissioner of Crowdball, and will vary from game to game. Players must study the pattern beforehand so they are prepared to play well. Since the pattern may be more offense or more defense oriented, the teams switch sides at halftime to equalize any advantage.
Referees call the game from platforms on scaffolding around the field. Penalties include "offsides" (stepping outside of one's box), "Hiding" (dropping the ball to waist level instead of keeping it overhead), and "Pushing" (Shoving the person in front of you, hoping to achieve a 'domino effect').
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Needs more balls. Lets say the game lasts 90 minutes and the ball is passed every 3 seconds. Then like 5 people are going to touch it, leaving 995 people standing around with their dicks in their hands. |
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There is no reason women might not like participating in this game, and so "hands in their pants" would be more appropriate. |
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In fact, a requirement that hands stay in pants would limit ball motion to headers, and reduce opportunities for wedgying adjacent members of the opposing team. |
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I envision multiple teams in a polyhedral field, akin to chinese checkers. |
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The chinese would be good at this due to their smaller physique and thusly improved mobility. However, height would be the dominating factor and basketball would see an exflux of talent as more taller people migrated to this sport. The dynamics would balance nicely between lumbering giants and wily little folk. This all happens, of course, after multiple balls are allowed on the field. |
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I think you should do away with the boxes and the rules. |
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How about a constant supply of balls fired into the middle of the field from some kind of catapult? |
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How about a constant supply of players fired into the middle of the field from some kind of catapult ? |
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If someone in the thick of it collapses they could be passed out of the game over the players' heads, and a substitute passed back. |
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Forget the extra balls, just use the collapsed players. Extra points of course for using an opposing player to score a goal for your team. |
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This game could be piloted using crowds which have assembled for other reasons. I propose that the rules be allowed to evolve by natural anarchic mechanisms. An ideal crowd would be one assembled to watch a sporting event, since fans would already be aligned one way or the other which would facilitate team formation. Goals could be hoisted at either end of the bleachers. |
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[+] Sounds like great fun. Play a pickup game of Crowdball in
the stands when the game on the field gets boring. The
teams as in American pickup basketball are the shirts and no
shirts. Someone yells out "Crowdball" and produces a ball and
then strips off his or her shirt. The goal of course is the tuba
of the nearest marching band. No ball not to worry, a bra will
do. Just fill the bra cups with popcorn hold them together
and tie the straps around them. You'll get more player that
way. |
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There's extra credit if you pass the ball to Waldo. |
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