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Crack Trees

 Crack trees are the seeds from which a better society will sprout.
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If hemp plants could be genetically modified to grow in tree form AND bear crack cocaine as their fruit, we could solve a number of problems currently plaguing the United States today. Below, an explanation of just a few of the problems these potent plants might prohibit:

1. Uneven balance of trade with Columbia. Currently, all crack in the United States is produced from cocaine imported from Coluumbia. By growing our own crack, we keep our drug monies where they belong - right here in the good ol' US of A.

2. Environmental crisis. It has already been shown that hemp plants produce 4 times as much paper per acre than does a pine tree or any other tree. Crack trees created from hemp plants would certainly aid in curing the earth's environmental ills through the creation of paper, rope and other products which can be inexpensively produced from this plant.

3. Aesthetically decrepit inner city areas. Crack trees, being living things, would add an attractive (and much needed) element of green life to a now decaying area.

4. Massive unemployment in inner cities. Crack trees would provide a source of employment for many unemployed peoples. A sort of cottage industry would form, with the neighborhoods each joining one another in planting, cultivating and harvesting these precious plants.

5. Poverty level in inner city areas. Crack trees would be a tremendous source of revenue for inner city areas, allowing for greater standards of living, education and health through the added monies crack trees would provide, by the production of crack fruit, paper and rope.

Crack trees are a great idea. I challenge the scientists of the world to begin this project as soon as possible. A greater future awaits.

—seldedr, Jul 16 2000

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       Industrial hemp plants (cannabis sativa) were grown in the fields at Monticello, Thomas Jefferson's Estate & in the fields of this nations first president, George Washington. It was also the focus of a WWI campaign to help America sustain the rope & paper industries during rationing of raw materials. Read up on your dope. You'll find you can't even smoke the stuff that comes off the Sativa plant.   

       Support sustainable resources! Buy Hemp!
—vicious_1, Jan 10 2001
   

       There is 1 problem with this idea. Crack is made from cocaine. Cocaine is made from the leaves of a plant. If we were to grow this plant in the US, or genetically modify hemp to grow cocaine leaves, we would not get the advantages of making paper, rope, or clothing.
—amish1234, Jan 17 2001
   

       I think that the only thing that would change from this idea, is the weapon of choice of the inner city crack dealers. Instead of 9mm's the street drug battles would be fought with armored carbine machines. Brings a whole new meaning to the term drive by, eh?
—strgzr, Apr 08 2001
   

       This idea is stupid! Why not try to cross the hemp plant with a different tree, other than the crack tree? Cocaine and crack dealers would take advantage of this, which would sky-rocket the use of cocaine and crack use, therefore allowing more Americans to die each year.
—markie, May 08 2001
   

       If the hemp plant and crack tree were crossed, cocaine use would go up, therefore causing more trouble in the United States.Cocaine would also be legalized which would lead to more American deaths. Also it would be pointless because you could not produce paper from a hemp plant crossed with the crack tree. The only people it would benifit would be the cocaine users which would be bad. It would be better to just grow hemp alone for paper resources.
—fred123, May 08 2001
   

       in addition, the crack trees would have a grat impact upon american tourism, and that would mean even a grater refreshment for the american economy. and why not make cocaine legal for tourist all over the world ?
—unstable, Aug 22 2001
   

       What a great a idea. Amen to the first point -- let's legalize drugs and keep all that income in America! It helps NO ONE by leaving the counter.
—krynge, Jan 22 2002
   

       I like the idea. You could build a crack-house in your crack tree. Actually I just like the word crack. Crack. Crack. Crack.
—jaksplat, Jan 22 2005
   

       This sounds like a legalization argument couched in an inane ignorance of the realities of botany. Although I can be sympathetic to the legalization argument--it's got some points going for it, although I don't think American society is ready for it--I'll have to fishbone this utterly crack-inspired rant.
—disbomber, Apr 03 2005
   

       Heh I agree, [disbomber]. I admit that I don't think I've ever seen this idea before. It is silly.
—bristolz, Apr 03 2005
   

       doesn't it also have the properties of magic (genetic modification), let's all (grow crack) and advocacy (get the government to fund crack-growing projects)   

       It does however have a total of 5 reasons to agree, so maybe it's just fine.
—zen_tom, Apr 04 2005
   


 

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