h a l f b a k e r yCogito, ergo sumthin'
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Too often people wear or buy bulletproof vests, for a sense of protection, and end up paying out the nose for them without ever getting anything in return.
Also, too often I see people slapping corporate decals onto their 1992 Toyota Corollas and making hundreds of dollars a month to do little more
than park in a public place.
So I propose a fusion of the two ideas: A bulletproof vest with a company's trademark sewn into it.
This is a vest powered by a kinetic battery (see also: Seiko) that would have small LEDs sewn into the back, into the pattern of whoever sponsors you. A kinesimeter sewn into a small pocket on the jacket would record impacts (presumably caused by bullets), and if they're strong enough, your back lights up like a well-paid Christmas tree!
Of course, wearers get a flat fee just to have the thing, a few bucks a month. Get shot, and your payout increases! Get shot a lot, and die a very rich man! (Please note: Do not shoot yourself. That's a cry for help, not a source of income.)
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I don’t understand why you would want to advertise only when the person was hit. What’s the advantage of having a wounded or dead person associated with your logo? |
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The point of a bulletproof vest is not so much to be wounded or dead, as to remain unwounded or undead. Or rather, to stop both of those processes from happening. |
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So this would be an advertisement that Coca-Cola, for example, just saved this person's life. |
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William Gibson's "All Tomorrow's Parties" |
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The security guard Rydell has this ridiculous pink bulletproof bib with the logo of his employer, a convenience store named "Lucky Dragon" |
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Hopefully it would save lives, but that's not always the result. And as there is often some injury due to back face deformation, Coca-Cola might get associated with trips to the hospital. Better to simply silkscreen the logo on the vest so that it is visible all the time. (And the company would want to insure that the product really worked, to avoid bad publicity.) |
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[ldischler] wrote:
// Coca-Cola might get associated with trips to the hospital // |
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Hmm...true. A potential backup light pattern could be installed as well - a little red cross (or crescent, depending) that replaces the logo, if the vest detects that the person's heart has stopped beating or if the person pushes a panic button on the vest. |
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To answer your next (and as yet unasked) question: Yeah, that may be a little complex...but I'm building a bulletproof vest with corporate sponsorship, a kinetic battery, and an impact-sensitive kinesimeter, so I think a panic button and a "help me!" light seems like a small enough addition. |
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<amazed> No, this wasn’t going to be my next question. Nobody at the bakery builds these things! |
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Really? I thought we had a staff of union laborers to bring all this to fruition. |
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