h a l f b a k e r yMagical moments of mediocrity.
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For whatever reason, hot weather makes people violent. Most of
the sudden, shocking, unprovoked killing sprees we hear about
take place in the summer. The majority of the world's failed
states and conflict zones are in desert or tropical regions. I
propose a two-part solution:
Phase 1: the
Head Cooler
A product is developed that consists of a miniaturized
refrigeration
unit and a circuit of coolant lines woven into the shape of a coif,
powered by [FlyingToaster]'s fast-charging supercap batteries.
This
can be easily built into the lining of any style of hat, from the
ever-
popular meshback trucker to the chic Jackie O pillbox (okay, I
really have no idea what kind of women's hats are in style these
days).
Phase 2: the Cooler Heads
Through the magic of government funding, Head Cooler hats are
distributed throughout the world at little or no cost to the
consumer. They will be included with the sale of every firearm
and
box of handgun ammunition. In the USA, this will be known as
The
Campaign for Cooler Heads; across the pond, we'll call it The
European Union Cooler Heads Initiative (except in Germany,
where
it will be known as The Mandatory Wearing of Cold-Making Hats).
In
failed states and turmoil-ridden 3rd-world countries, Head
Coolers
will be distributed as "goodwill gifts," packaged with solar-
charging
units and easy-to-read pamphlets containing such helpful advice
as
"to improve the accuracy of your AK-47, use pliers to put a slight
bend in the gas-return piston rod" or "always distill nitric acid
over
an open flame, and be sure to inhale deeply while doing so."
Result: cooler heads and a marginally more peaceful world.
traditional Thai head dress...........
http://fashion.1std...php?id=38559&view=2
...........possible cooling effect? [not_morrison_rm, Jul 31 2011]
"blitz-" krieg
http://www.flickr.c...sfujita/3050958622/
When cooling's not enough, try ECT. [mouseposture, Jul 31 2011]
Similar concept
Chill Iraq
Equally as ridiculous. [theleopard, Aug 01 2011]
"Touched With Fire"
http://raybradbury....brary/story/54/8/0/
"ninety-two degrees lies the apex of irritability" [Klaatu, Aug 01 2011]
[link]
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What, nothing? I figured this would at least have attracted an autobone and a snarky comment or two by now, if not any actual discussion... |
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Sorry, I guess that was kind of selfish. In retrospect, it's like jumping up and down shouting "Me, me, look at my post!" Mea culpa. |
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Oh, one person likes it. Thanks for the bun, whoever you are! |
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I read it, and moved on. It's not your best. Or worst
;-) |
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Capacitor quick-charge is hardly my idea. |
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I've never field-stripped an AK47 but I don't imagine the result of firing one with a bent piston would be anything more than a sore shoulder and a jam, solveable by taking it apart and replacing the piston ($13.49 online)... possibly replacing the cylinder if that got bent out of shape as well. |
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Ah, well, sometimes I miss. Didn't mean to be a pissant, it just sort of slipped out before my brain could stop my fingers. |
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<"No, no, wait! Ah, crap... ya jerk."/> |
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// anything more than a sore shoulder and a jam // |
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Not even a sore shoulder, just a jam; not like the good old FAL ... those little 7.92 rounds aren't much above a .22LR in recoil. |
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Bent piston ? Take it out and beat it with a rock. It really works. No, we didn't believe it either, until we saw it happen. |
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This would work better for excitable fanatics of any religious or political persuasion, if the coolant employed, were - for example - liquid nitrogen.
They would quite soon become remarkably peaceful. |
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Yes, the helpful pamphlets are intended for said excitable
fanatics of any religious or political persuasion; if they
follow the instructions properly, their weapons will jam
and their home-made explosives will blow up in their
faces. Those that survive are then free to sit around with
nice cool heads and think about how much nicer it is to not
be shooting each other for a change. |
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Of course, the more enterprising among them, having
figured out my little ruse, can indeed use a rock to fix
their AK-47. I once straightened the barrel of an AKS
(Hungarian-made semi-auto version) using two hardwood
wedges and a hydraulic bearing remover. The owner, a co-
worker, claimed it was even better than new. The AK can
fire with the receiver full of sand, functions flawlessly (for
a while) without a single drop of lube, and is very handy
for pounding tent pegs when the mallet's run off. It is truly
a masterpiece of practicality, if not of accuracy. |
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Always wondered about the cooling effect of traditional Thai ceremonial hats (see link)...kind of fractal radiator effect. Also wondered at the wisdom of wearing pointy metal hat in a place which does get some pretty good lightning.. |
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[n_m_r] It does look rather, um, conductive... Perhaps a
long copper line trails down behind it as a ground? |
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[FT]: I didn't say you invented supercap batteries, I said
we're going to use yours. Alterorder, inc. will take all
you've got. By force, if necessary. |
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[Alterother], you are a half-baked genius. [+] |
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Thank you, sir! I take that as the highest of compliments! |
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//Through the magic of government funding// |
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Cooler heads might suggest that your timing is slightly off, [Alterother]. I'm just picturing Barack Obama, or Angela Merkel, after a hard night's grappling with the bond markets, meeting someone who says "Hey - here's a great new idea for spending more public money!" It might be quite funny to capture their facial expressions. |
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You in that much of a hurry to have the White House renovated again ? |
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//wearing pointy metal hat in a place which does get
some pretty good lightning// |
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That's not a bug, it's a feature. If cooling is
insufficient, electroconvulsive therapy may
moderate violent tendencies. Then again, maybe
not. <link> |
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// I'm just picturing Barack Obama, or Angela Merkel ...
meeting someone who says "Hey - here's a great new idea
for spending more public money!" It might be quite funny
to capture their facial expressions. // |
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It might help their reactions if they wore the head-cooler
for a few minutes before we pitch the idea... As for Angela
Merkel, there's no real problem there: in Germany, Tragen
des Kaltenmachenhut ist Obligatorisch-- she won't have a
choice. |
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//timing is slightly off// To the contrary: in the
United States of Confusion, arguments in favor of
government spending are wanted more urgently now
than ever, by those seeking to budge the eventual
(hoffentlich) compromise to the left. |
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//in Germany, Tragen des Kaltenmachenhut ist
Obligatorisch// Well said. Metaphorically true. |
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Reduce insomnia -> reduce grumpiness -> reduce killing
sprees. Sound logic to my ear. |
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[+] Send a few dozen to congress. (Said on eve of debt limit breakage.) |
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// eve of debt limit breakage // |
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And you humans wonder why you get such consistently high ratings on the Galactic Entertainment Network. |
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You think you're funny, and you are ... |
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Not an edifying spectacle. Back in the 1930s,
revulsion at that sort of thing led to governments
which promised, as the saying went, to make the
trains run on time. |
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