h a l f b a k e r yNumber one on the no-fly list
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Edited Version:
What in the world could possibly distract the poor refugee people of a small colony/non-state to stop blowing themselves up in the middle of supermarkets, shopping centers, and cafes? Maybe money!
Imagine an international group of wealthy millionaires who wish for peace. They
all join together to create a contest which they plan to judge. All Palestinians can participate. Each contestant must tell a compelling true life story of bonding together with an Israeli. They can tell this story in any way that they wish- through writing, through a film, through painting, through photographs. Each town has a separate contest, judged by an official appointed by the panel of wealthy donors. The winners from each town are then judged by the panel. The ultimate winner receives $10 million, 4 million of which they must spend on creating an institute for the study of non-violent resistance. This institute would create an educational plan for Palestinian schools that would make instruction on the history of "non-violent resistance" a required component of all history classes.
I realize that this idea may sound completely insane, but I think that crazy situations call for crazy ideas.
Poor People's Crusade
http://historymedre...m/bl1poorpeople.htm
Describes dark-ages pacifist army (paragraph 4). [pottedstu, Jun 10 2002, last modified Oct 04 2004]
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Annotation:
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Admin: Removed overdramatism of all caps title. |
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Here is the plan
h a l f b a k e r s control the Middle East.
Since this is the perfect plan, we would like the Money fairly distributed amongst the author of this plan and those who annotated this idea prior to this moment in time. That will make it a four-way split which comes out to $250,000 US. UnaBubba lives in Australia - he can fill you in on the particulars of currency conversion - which he shall not have to pay an additional fee or tax for. StarChaser, jurist and I are USA'n's and will take US Currency in small, unmarked bills, much like UnaBubba will take his Australian Dollars. The funds will not be taxed, nor will there be C.O.D. due to delivery service or courier by any of us. We will not be held responsible for any consequences which arise out of this solution.
Any h a l f b a k e r s who argue the merits of this pay system will be herded in their nakedness like sheared sheep into a harem filled with horny camels. |
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There's already several million schemes for the middle east, and a lot more than a million dollars has been spent on formulating them (how much do you think it costs to host a summit?). The problem isn't having ideas, it's that people have mutually conflicting claims that cannot all be fulfilled. Two people cannot occupy the same space, not matter how neat your ideas are. |
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In a way this is Britains fault. At the end of WWI Britain was given much of the old Turkish Empire to 'look after', part of our mandate was Palestine. Britain should have split it there and then into Israel and Palestine, before the Palestinians got too attached to their new country. |
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Define "best" in less than 50,000 words. |
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what is this, an english class? |
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OK, then, here's my essay option:
"Discuss the difference in meaning between 'contest for peace' and 'wage war' in less than 10 000 words." |
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Schrodinger's Palestine. I claim my money now. |
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Pie is the answer. We will travel to those areas were troops are engaged in combat, and we will bring many pies. The troops will stop fighting and come over and have some pie. |
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We'll probably need to bring something to drink, too. |
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//I claim my money now//
pottedstu, Take note of Paragraph ii of Annotation IV. |
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... Which is where we slip the X (ecstasy, to the uninitiated) into the Mudslides, thus completing the job of making the former warriors feel good. |
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The drinks have to be Mudslides. They're alcoholic *and* they contain chocolate sauce. They are the answer to any dispute of any kind, anywhere ... |
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There is always the Schroedinger's Cat
solution... use the traditional box with the
quantum-event trigger, only instead of gassing a
hapless kitty, the result of the quantum event
causes one of two indicators to light up. If the
"Israel" indicator lights up, Palestine loses and
Israel gets sole access to the contested areas.
If the "Palestine" indicator lights up, Israel loses
and the Palestinians get what they want. |
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The beauty of this is that (according to some
quantum physicists, anyway) when the
quantum event occurs, it actually decides the
issue *both ways*, in that the universe forks
into two universes, one with the first outcome,
and one with the second. In this way, both the
Israelis and the Palestinians get exclusive
access to their holy sites... |
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Can I have my $1 million now? :^) (or maybe I
just win the second place prize: a smack to the
head for being silly....) |
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Jeremi, hie thee to the camel harem. The money has been delegated according to the law of thumbwax. Take note of Paragraph ii of Annotation IV. |
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Since the argument revolves around settlers stealing indigenous people's land, by rights, I say, we have to give the land to whoever was there first. In fact, let's repatriate the whole human race sending everyone back to their original homelands. The Americans and Australians can go back to the Old World, the English can go back to Germany, the Scots can go back to Ireland, and so on. Of course, once we've started this, we'd have to take it all to its logical conclusion, sending the Native Americans back across the Bering Strait and the Australian Aboriginals back to Asia... Eventually we'd just have six billion-odd people all crammed into a few square miles of Ethiopia. That should solve all these silly tribal quarrels. |
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So where's my million and which way's the camel harem? What? I'm sure an Arab Prince would pick me over a camel any day, horny or not. No contest. |
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So what's blissmiss to do, go to Ethiopia via Asia or Ireland? |
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Should i go via Ireland, Germany, Scandanavia, or Israel? |
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Whenever I read this idea, I see the 'contest' as an imperitive (verb) rather than a noun... reminds me of my favorite graffitti in one of the old lecture rooms: |
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Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity. |
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I just love the 'War on Terrorism' concept. |
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Overheard in my highschool lockeroom once: "You f#@king virgin!" |
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FarmerJohn / [sctld]: Hmm, I see the problem. |
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<thinks>How about everyone gets disassembled into bits proportionally relative to their various roots and those bits all get sent via the countries of intermediate origin? OK, so reassembly in Ethiopia may be a bit of a problem, what with six billion people probably all in a rather large number of people-chunks - it could get a little confusing... |
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"OK, who's arm is this? Is anyone still waiting for their left arm? Left arm, anyone?" |
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I still say this is the most practical solution. |
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Back to the idea - if you can pull $10M from nowhere, world peace should be no problem. But good luck enforcing your entailment in Palesine. |
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My roots are in America, so I'm not going anywhere. |
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UnaBubba, what they have now is a desert. Turning it into a nice green glass parking lot is a good idea...Plonk a McD right in the middle, paint a few lines, and Bob's your uncle. |
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Re fighting for non-violence: in the dark ages, groups of armed pacifists called "Leagues of Peace" marched around Europe attacking everyone who failed to join them. Look! I have a reference! |
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Guy... that used to be mine, but I sacrificed it in accordance with the arms reduction treaty I signed. |
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If there were such a group of millonaires they could just suggest LOTS of money to Israel\Palestine for giving land up. |
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Instead of "Lands for Peace", "Lands for Money". |
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I'm an israeli by the way. |
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nonviolence sucks.
look where it got me. |
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So long as people believe that the holy land is a piece of real estate, blood will flow. |
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That, Mungo, and the whole "my religion is better than your religion because..." argument. |
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