Commuter train de-crowder

It has been brought to the attention of the BorgCo Mass Transit Engineering Department that London apparently suffers from overcrowded commuter trains.

Peversely, those involved seem to reject the simple, obvious solution of "not going anywhere near London, because it's a stinking, overcrowded plague pit reknowned for dirt, crime, wretchedly poor quality of life, and overcharging".

The speed and traffic density of trains cannot be increased with existing signalling,track and rolling stock technology. The length of trains cannot be increased because of the length of existing platforms. Compressing commuters into an organic slurry and then pumping them through pipes at very high pressure only delivers the same approximate throughput as the District line (because the two methodologies are essentially the same).

Trains could be slightly longer if it were accepted that carriages at the front and rear of the train did not have access to the platforms at stations. This merely requires passengers to pre-position themselves when wishing to disenbark, and with a less crowded service this should be less problematic.

Obviously, the longer the train, the lower the density of passengers; they merely need to be persuaded to move to the front on boarding (as at terminal stations it is from the front that disembarkation is possible).

However, if the train is too long, its front will come in close proximity to the train ahead, violating track block separation rules.

If such trains were coupled together, they would extend between two consecutive stations. Thus a passenger could in theory board at one station and move along the length of the train via the vestibules, eventually arriving at the next station ahead where they may if they wish disembark.

With sufficiently long trains, it will be possible for passengers to join the train at any station and move forward through the carriages until they can alight at the terminus.

All that is needed is an adequate supply of rolling stock.

Since the front of the train remains against the buffers at the terminus, no driver is needed - only ticket collectors and a guard. Signals can be left at green all the time as there is known to be nothing on the track ahead. There will be plenty of seats available. Energy will be needed only for door operation lighting and air conditioning - not propulsion.

The cost savings will be enormous and everyone* will be happy.

*who owns shares in the company, that is.