h a l f b a k e r yResident parking only.
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Most cars these days start with the press of a button or, in
some cases, the turn of a key. Such is the reliability of
modern engines that they simply go whirrrr-brrrr and are
running smoothly. How incredibly dull.
MaxCoMotion (a metastasis of our Domestic Appliance and
Wildebeest department)
is incredibly pleased to announce
the
launch of its range of retrofittable Coffman starters for
virtually all popular vehicles, from Jaguars all the way down
to
Lamborghinis.
Installation requires a little reconfiguration of the engine,
and
the installation of the breech-block on top of the bonnet.
The
firing mechanism can be wired to your existing push-button
or
key start but, for enhanced appearance, can be installed as
a
three-position caged "SAFE-ARM-START" toggle switch on
your
dashboard. Cartridges are widely available, but note that it
is
very important only to use blanks, in order to extend engine
life.
Should the first charge fail to get things running, a second
will
usually suffice. However, fans of the original "Flight of the
Phoenix" may prefer to use one charge to clean out the
cylinders, creating a satisfying burst of smoke from the
exhaust as well as the loud noise. If you can find a small
blond
German man to run at you yelling "No!" as you do this, so
much
the better.
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Annotation:
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Will there be a version for lawnmowers ? |
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I've always had aversion for lawnmowers. That's why I have
gardeners. |
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// That's why I have gardeners // |
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Are those the same ones who buy all those crates marked "LIVE MOLES - WITH CARE" ? |
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No, the moles are for the Drainpipe Polishing (Internal) sub-
team. They work really well (the moles, that is), as long as
you can get the breech-block attached securely to the end of
the drainpipe, and don't overdo the charge. The only real
difficulty is in finding 4 1/4" moles. |
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We understand that the best techniques is to bundle three or four of them together using a zip-tie, which also acts as a scraper. |
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No, a single mole works better, as long as you can find one
the right size. For larger pipes and drains, of course, we use
ShitZus. |
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Using Shitzus for anything other than sewerage
pipes seems a bit ostentatious. For ordinary
drainpipes use plumbing snakes like the rest of us. |
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