h a l f b a k e r yVeni, vedi, fish velocipede
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I own clothes, many do. Largely, they are simple to
operate. Often, even the uninitiated can figure out a
pair
of gloves or some charming well-tailored spats.
However, I
have recently come into the possession of a rather
complex new coat. It's made, largely, of synthetic
materials (initially
I was very much against this,
although
I'm assured they are necessary for my impeding weekend
of "winter sports" whatever that is). It also has many, at
first glance, superfluous holes, fasteners and flaps. One
of
these, as it turns out, allows the cord from a personal
music player to penetrate the depths of an interior
pocket.
Now, I worked this out from a small label next to the
hole:
a vulgar but informative iconic portrayal of a music
player.
Unfortunately, this was the only labeled component.
There is
a loop on the collar section.... with no complementary
duffle fastener, I have no idea about that. There is a
very
complex arrangement around the waist, with many
adjustable, elasticated and multi-position
characteristics... I can only assume this is intended for
use
by the emergency services, or possibly some terrible
consequence of mass production. On another recent
item,
a rucksack (again, initial skepticism, but good enough
for
Mallory and Irvine, good enough for me) I have found
many
loops/holes and dangly bits. One, is for an "Ice Axe". I
assume, since we are to be "roughing it a bit', that this
is
a crude-yet-serviceable way of obtaining the necessary
gin-coolant. Now, I have consulted the accompanying
literature of these items. Their focus seems to be upon
how many bright colours they can fit onto a 3x4" space,
and how good they think these new synthetic materials
are. I find it telling that manufacturers of high-quality
tweed do not feel so compelled. Crucially, the flaps,
holes,
fasteners and dangly bits are not explained.
I am clearly not alone in my confusion with regard to
garments, the other day, I saw a chap wearing a blazer.
This was not equipped with the necessary pocket square.
Clearly, the chap had either been robbed, or worse, was
poorly informed on the subject of blazers... a modern
epidemic, I believe. The man needed instructions.
Clothing needs clear concise instructions. There, I've
said
it.
Obligatory Farside cartoon.
http://akchrish23.f...then-your-shoes.jpg
[spidermother, Dec 08 2013]
[link]
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Perhaps what you actually have is a disguised strait-
jacket, such that you are not supposed to know how
it is to be used? |
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No, they're usually pleasantly constructed from
canvas and leather. |
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// The man needed instructions // |
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The man needed to employ a properly
trained valet, as his current one is clearly not
up to the job. |
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He could probably do worse than investigate
the peripery of the marsh to the north-east
of M'lord Buchanan's estate, where many of
the unsuccessful candidates discharged from
the admittedly rigorous staff training
programme end up; since their discharge is
both administrative and literal - by means of
the Fifth Earl's trebuchet - a soft landing in
swampy ground is the best they can hope for. |
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It's better than being fired, though; Sturton's
efforts to improve on the black powder used
in the special bombard retained on the
battlements for this specific ceremonial
purpose have resulted in more than the usual
occurences of the so-called "pink mist" for
which the region is notorious, and may also
account for the fact that the severance
payment cheques are never presented for
payment. |
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This may be true, but it's not a chap's place to
employ or de-employ valets. A quiet word with the
head butler should be all that's necessary, clearly
communication is breaking down. I'm attempting to
put the right information near the appropriate
people here. We already live in a world where a
junior scientist such as myself, is not provided with
three technicians a typist and a handyman as would
formerly be assumed the minimal complement. |
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This idea is inaccurately titled*. Clothing is self-
explanatory.
Variously-sized tubes are connected in a handful of obvious
configurations and, violin, the body is clothed. Any
garment that requires longer to explain than it does to don
isn't mere clothing, it's adornment. |
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It's not the donning that is the issue, [alt], it is the correct donning. |
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//specific ceremonial purpose have resulted in more
than the usual occurences of the so-called "pink mist"
for which the region is notorious, and may also
account for the fact that the severance payment
cheques are never presented for payment.// |
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I heard that severance payment cheques were always
distributed among discharged employees, sometimes
with enviable homogeneity. |
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What you have heard is indeed exactly
correct. |
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Google "paragraph breaks". |
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"Not to be used internally, for external use only" should cover most issues. |
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The tone of your post suggests you think some
aspects of your new garment might be superfluous.
I recommend that you acquire an assortment of
small rubber monsters and dinosaurs in colors to
complement your new garment and hang one off of
each of the aforementioned flaps, holes, fasteners
and dangly bits. If Mallory questions the purpose of
these new passengers, you can tell her that you
read on the web that new garments such as yours
(and hers) had attachments for rubber monsters,
which as of this second is true. Then reach into the
interior Spare Monster Pockets (you will find it on
the left, far back) and offer her a few for her own
garment. |
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I'm pretty sure that standard topological notation
can handle underpants, at least, and these are
formally identical to trousers. Likewise, T-shirts and
sweatshirts should all be equivalent, as should hats
and socks. |
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