Clone that Sock

I was browsing this site and I ran across, as someone called it, the “Sock Thread”. This intrigued me. It dates back to 2000. The basic problem trying to be solved here is preventing single socks from disappearing during laundering.

I wondered why the pessimistic view that a sock was missing dominated over the optimistic view that one was gained. Be that as it may the gist of the problem is that we wear socks in pairs and we have a single unmatched lost sole.

The solution “Clone that Sock.” The process is complex but can easily be done using common things we find around the house.

First thing we need are sock stem cells. These are found in the lint that is produced in the clothes dryer. Run a load of socks through the wash. Be sure to clean the lint filter prior to drying or you could wind up with a mutated garment that could destroy the world (see The Fly, Vincent Price version not the Jeff Goldblum remake.)

Next carefully remove a strand of DNA from your stray sock. The double helix DNA is found in the threads that hang out from the elastic portion of the sock. The DNA strand starts with the first color change after black and runs 6.35mm (1/4 inch). Clip off several DNA strands. (If you’re trying a clone a black sock, you are too boring a person to deal with, go buy another pair)

Place the DNA strands and a thimbleful of the stem cells in a Petri dish and pour in 2 tbsp of Tide Laundry Detergent, 1 tsp of Downy Fabric Softener and a pinch of Boraxo Hand soap. Gently stir mixture with a girdle stay and pour into the washing machine.

The cloning process can take anywhere from 2 to 3 weeks to grow a full size sock, depending on how many loads of wash you do. Sometime in the near future you will find an odd sock in you washer or your dryer.

Disclaimer: The new sock that is produced may not exactly match the sock cloned if your measurement are slightly off.