h a l f b a k e r yTempus fudge-it.
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How about "Haws", where psychopathic hookers
decide to take their revenge on the town's menfolk? |
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You're gonna need a bigger ATV. |
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It would be marginally more credible if Polar Bears were involved, as they will kill and eat humans. |
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However, compared to a submerged shark, bears are fairly easy to spot, and can be incapacitated with a large calibre sidearm. So there has to be some plot twist to even the odds for the bear. |
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[8th] If they could get
away with sharks deliberately attacking people for
jaws, they could get away with bears for
this. Heck, given the case of the Tsavo man
eaters,
it's not evenly completely impossible. If a
particular
bear started thinking of humans as food, it could
happen. |
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You could even give it an environmental message
by making it that the bears are trying to find a
new source of food because a dam destroyed their
regular salmon run, or some such. |
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Oso otaku attack! Revenge of the nerds turned on it's head. |
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Most bear attacks are mistakes on the bears or victims part. |
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When guns are outlawed, only bears and outlaws will have guns. Keep your loved ones close and your reloading machines closer (and away from bears.) |
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I once was bitten by a bear in my pajamas. What he... |
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//However, compared to a submerged shark, bears
are fairly easy to spot, and can be incapacitated with
a large calibre sidearm. So there has to be some plot
twist to even the odds for the bear.// |
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Hmmm. The thing about Jaws was the innate fear of
being vulnerable to unseen attackers when
swimming. |
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What we need, therefore, are mole-bear hybrids
which can fall on you upwards from underground. |
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Have you seen "Night of the Lepus", [MB] ?
It's a B-movie where giant rabbits attack a
small town. Not only is it blatantly obvious
that the set for the denoument is a couple of
tame and rather bewildered pet rabbits
plonked into someone's model train layout,
but at one point a stick can be seen poking
one of the rabbits to make it move. |
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It didn't exactly inspire terror. |
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We don't thing mole-bear hybrids are going
to fare any better. |
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You say that now. Just let Dreamworks and
Steven Spielberg loose on it. |
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Let's see. Global warming has led to a change in
bears' patterns of hibernation, forcing them to
remain in their dens for longer. This in turn leads
to them starting to dig sideways for roots and
tubers and,
in the twinkling of an evolutionary eye, you have
killer mole-bears grabbing children and dragging
them beneath the school playing field. |
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The bears are ultimately hunted down by old-
timer Troy Hurtubise in his famous bear-proof
jacket. His demise at the paws of an
unexpectedly large mole-bear is foretold in the
comment "you're gonna need a bigger coat." |
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How about a particularly evil remake of "Bad Santa", this time titled "Claus"? |
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//innate fear of being vulnerable to unseen attackers // |
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The scariest movie I ever saw as a kid was "Night of the Grizzly" [link]. The most frightening bits were when they filmed from the point of view of the bear. The POV pushed through the forest at night to look down at the little log cabin, lights burning happily while the horses and cattle in the corral stirred uneasily as they sensed that evil had come to their little valley. |
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The oblivious people went on conducting their normal activities not knowing that back in the hidden woods they were being watched with malevolent intent. Don't think that image didn't come to my mind whenever I was out at night in the Canadian wilderness. |
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It starred Clint Walker and a bear named Satan. |
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// evil had come to their little valley ... malevolent intent. // |
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"evil" and "malevolence" are human concepts. Animals below the higher primates (except for Geography teachers) aren't "evil", as that implies sentience and free will. Sharks eat things because they are hungry and that's what sharks do. It's all they CAN do. There's no vegetarian option if you're a shark. Tigers that escape from zoos and kill humans are just doing what comes naturally and cannot be blamed for their actions; if humans place them in an unnatural environment, they deserve whatever they get. |
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If humans intrude into an ecosystem containing bears or wolves, they should not be surprised if these large, sharp-toothed carnivores look on small, slow monkeys with no claws and small, blunt teeth as an attractive lunch. |
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So, while giant man-eating rabbits/bears/ sharks/squid/toads make a good screenplay, it's a grave mistake to carry over that mindset into the real world (if such a thing exists). |
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//"evil" and "malevolence" are human concepts// |
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Yeesss, but this was a movie in the 60s - not a doco. The bear was portrayed in a certain way for cinematic effect to scare the crap outta viewers - which it did. |
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How about "Schnoz", where malicious cold sufferers pursue healthy victims in attempt to sneeze on them? |
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How about "Bones" where a forensic anthropologist and a
cocky FBI agent team up to down vote ideas on the
Halfbakery? |
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