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People start smoking for a whole load of reasons. One of them is that it makes the smoker look 'cool'.
I propose this method for stopping people starting smoking. When the smoker leaves his fags on the table to go to the bar/toilet/whatever, take a pen and write things on the cigarettes.
Childish things. Things like "I smell" or "Smoking is gay." This will negate the 'looking cool' element to smoking. They will be reluctant to smoke the cigarettes.
At the very least, your friend will stop smoking near you. So if enough people do it, we can reduce the uptake of smoking.
Bear in mind though, that some people have no shame. I have employed this technique before, and once had to write "I support Partick Thistle" on a fag to stop someone smoking it. That said, they punched me.
Liquid Oxygen fun
http://ghg.ecn.purdue.edu/~ghg/
Don't try this at home, kids... [pmillerchip, Dec 13 2001]
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Ah, but as a fag-smoking fag in a punk band called Fagsmoke, I'd have to say that "I smell" and "Smoking is gay" are, well, mantras of mine. |
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Come to think of it, I think you've just given me the titles of my next two songs. |
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Not an invention but it made me laugh. |
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I don't think anyone over the age of 15 smokes to look cool. Looking cool is a fortunate perk of striving to get a good nicotine kick going and there's nothing you could write on a cigarette that would stop a smoker from not smoking it if he didn't have another one. A better approach may be the double bluff trickster one where you write "Smoke Me" on each cigarette. But that would only work for about 5 seconds too.
PS smoking isn't gay except on cowboys and/or with cigarette holders. |
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Guy Fox, obviously your cig-hating friends would scrawl things that you *would* find embarrassing. Like - and I'm guessing here - "I luv Jimmy Krankie."
notripe, I am aware of the asexuality of smoking. I was just using the term in the childish pejorative sense. As I say, you can write what you like, so long as it is embarrassing. |
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Maybe if instead of insults you wrote witty and observant aphorisms on the cigarettes then people would be less inclined to set them on fire. |
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[pottedstu]: This would also work if you whipped out your handy Thermos full of liquid oxygen, and soaked the cigarette in it. That would make me hesitant to put a match to it, unless I wanted to be like that crazy guy in the States who uses liquid oxygen to light his barbecues so they are ready to cook in five seconds. (See link.) Obviously you'd have to refrain from soaking the filter too, otherwise your hapless victim's lips will freeze solid. |
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Pursuant to pmillerchip's annotation, on the sleeve notes to the Baby Bird album "Dying Happy", Stephen Jones mentions a game in which you soak one cigarette in petrol (gasoline), mix it in with some ordinary cigarettes, and then everyone (wearing oven mittens) takes a cigarette and lights it. The person with the winning cigarette gets a nice explosion in their face. I never thought this would work myself, because you'd smell the fumes, but if anyone wants to try it and see, feel free. |
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My brother and I once spent about two hours at the convienence store I worked in pounding a carton of cigarettes on the counter, packing the hell out of them. |
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We figured that when someone got a pack, they'd pack it some more, then light it and the whole thing would disappear in a 'whoof!' and leave them covered in soot with an unsmokable lump... |
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I was thinking that this would be impossible to carry out on those of us who smoke roll-ups, but then you *could* take all the Rizlas out of the packet, write yer wee message on them, then load the packet back up again. In fact, you could probably argue for government health warnings to be printed on individual cigarette papers (probably best putting then on the gummed strip as this is most visible when you're rolling) and- |
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Wait a second. Shut up, Guy. You're a smoker, ya numpty. La la la. Fnord. |
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Oh, and "I luv Jimmy Krankie"... Man, you're just giving away song titles, calum. |
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