h a l f b a k e r yAssume a hemispherical cow.
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Your child is upstairs in their bed, fast asleep. You and your spouse are likewise in bed downstairs, sawing logs. Peace and quiet should reign, but no, you awake to hear the unmistakeable wails of a child who is having a Bad Dream.
Naturally, you wish to comfort your beloved offspring and reassure
them that there is no monster in the closet. You could try bolting up the stairs risking that dreaded stubbed toe from the toy left on the stairs to rush to their side, or you could teach the little darling to be bold and take control of their life with the Bad Dream Emergency Escape.
Consisting of a fireman's pole that runs from beside their bed down to your bedroom, your child can now slide down away from the Scary Thing in their room to the complete and utter safety that only "A grownup in charge" can offer. After they have fallen back to sleep thanks to a comforting snuggle with their parents, you can use the optional "All Better Now Dumbwaiter" that is designed to lift them quietly back to their own bedside. A slight tilt in the bottom allows them to roll back into their own bed.
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How about a wailing-sound-activated-lamp and CD player that plays nice soothing lullabys, and a can of "monster killer spray" air? |
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Nice. Especially the All Better Now dumb waiter. The only problem with this is that it would inevitable be abused to the full by the little darlings. Once my lad reached the age of ohhhhhh about 3 and a half, the "bad dreams" were 80% "not wanting to go to bed dreams". Easily distinguished from the genuine article by the lack of panicked sobbing and the repetition of single words such as "faces,....faces,...faces,....faces". They can also be distinguished by the prefix "er". As in: Me: "Hello, littl'un. What are you doing down here?". Littl'un: Errrr.....I had a bad dream............can I have some hot chocolate please?" |
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Damn it squeak you've scared me with all that faces talk. |
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You're gonna trust a kid too small to deal with nightmares to a firepole? Hope it's not a sleepwalker. And an opening straight into Mom and Dad's room? Hope it's not a light sleeper. |
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And you'd best hope that the nightmare isn't about falling through a hole in the floor that someone put next to their bed and stuck a pole through. |
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Um, well, yeah. I figure if they are big enough to climb a tree [or the monkey bars at the playground], then they could probably handle a 10 foot drop on a fireman's pole. |
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I have to smile that someone would seriously consider that privacy might be an issue, since people with children under the age of ten know they tend to turn up when and where you least expect them all the time anyway. With the Bad Dream Emergency Escape, you'd at least hear them coming. {"Mooooomeeee!"} |
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Yeah, but you wouldn't hear them peeking in. And who knows what kind of Oedipal children you'd be raising then. |
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The last nightmare I had was in the summer...there were bugs everywhere. My stepmom had just come out of my baby sister's room from comforting her when she said I "burst into the hall with the fear of God on my face" I remember that I went to the couch and tried to sleep, and I kept saying "bugs". |
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