Channel Tunnel Didgeridoo

The channel tunnel was built in order to allow the rapid and easy movement of people between France and England. However, once we found out what the French are actually like, we decided to put Eurostar in charge of the trains to prevent such movement.

Given that it cost quite a bit of money, we really ought to try and find a new use for the channel tunnel.

It's pretty obvious that the word that springs naturally to mind at this point is "didgeridoo" - that instrument which represents all that is best about Australian music, art, science, industry, technology, cuisine, culture and history. It is, in essence, a hollow stick.

The other vital component of a didgeridoo, other than the hollow stick, is a pair of lips. Placed at one end of the didgeridoo and attached to the face of an Australian, the lips make the raspberry which, in turn, resonates in the didgeridoo.

In the case of the Channel Tunnel, the lips will have to be several tens of metres across. They will need to be made of silicone rubber, and fitted across the tunnel entrance in Folkestone. A very hefty compressor will be needed to blow through the lips, into the Tunnel.

The natural frequency of a didgeridoo is determined largely by the volume of air enclosed by the tube - larger didgeridoata (for such is the plural) have deeper resonances than smaller ones. The Channel Tunnel will therefore be a little on the bassy side, with a resonant frequency measured in millihertz. This will be well below the hearing range of humans, but should be well-received by elephants and, possibly, some of the larger marine mammals. This in itself makes the entire enterprise worthwhile, as I am sure you'll agree.