Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Channel Tunnel Catapult

 Speedy travel from Folkestone to Calais
 
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No lengthy check-in times..

No messing around with seat numbers..

Breeze security..... join the queue.... next thing you're flying through the channel tunnel thanks to the largest man-catapult ever invented.

This is a truly no-fuel environmentally friendly travel solution...

—AndyH, Jan 27 2016

[link]






       A giant airgun would be better.
—8th of 7, Jan 27 2016
   

       // A giant airgun would be better //   

       And with a means to join both tunnels at their ends, with simultaneous launching the air rushing ahead of each launch would feed the launch going the opposite direction. Sort of a recycled air gun.
—whatrock, Jan 27 2016
   

       Yeah, like, how green is THAT ?
—8th of 7, Jan 27 2016
   

       Shirley the channel tunnel can be retrofitted with hyperloop technology? Oh, wait, Britain and France got out of projects that risked instilling pride, inspiring a generation, generating spin-off tech or building an unrivaled expertise base when the Concorde production lines closed.
—bs0u0155, Jan 27 2016
   

       Why not just squash the prospective traveller and bury their remains. Pretend they have been instantly transported to France. The rest of the excited queue won't cotton on to the scam until it's too late.
—pocmloc, Jan 27 2016
   

       The problem is that the channel tunnel is not parabolic. Therefore, you have two choices:   

       (a) Fire people at something close to orbital velocity, so they don't touch the floor on the way over   

       (b) Polish the floor really, really well and let the passengers skip-slide the whole way.
—MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 27 2016
   

       //I think the person should always be shouting which queue they were shot from, continuously, as they come in to land.//   

       Far queue! Far queue!
—MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 27 2016
   

       //The problem is that the channel tunnel is not parabolic. Therefore, you have two choices://   

       Golf balls take on a much flatter trajectory if they are given sufficient backspin. It's called the Magnus effect if I remember correctly. If the people were fired at a very high velocity, the rotation speed could be kept in the comfortable 100's of RPM.
—bs0u0155, Jan 27 2016
   

       So, squash them into hermetically-sealed rigid spherical containers before launch ?   

       Yes, that seems entirely reasonable, and far more comfortable than travelling business class on british airways ... besides, what could possibly go wrong ?
—8th of 7, Jan 27 2016
   

       You have never been able to afford business class, have you, [8th]?
—MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 27 2016
   

       // never been able to afford business class //   

       On the contrary; it's simply that there are almost no aircraft with more than four good seats* (indeed many have only one or two), and they are invariably the ones at the front, with the best view.   

       Sitting in the back with the livestock is deeply unattractive.   

       *The exception being the Avro Lancaster; while the seat right at the back may be cold, draughty and somewhat isolated, the occupant gets both a magnificent view and four .303 Browning machine guns to play with.
—8th of 7, Jan 27 2016
   

       1. Stuff travellers into a pod the same diameter as the tunnel.   

       2. Attach cartridge filled with high explosive to rear of pod.   

       3. Insert into tunnel, seal this end, detonate.   

       Depending on the size of the charge, you could land anywhere from Belgium to Bulgaria. Might need to add rifling to the tunnel walls for accuracy.
—mitxela, Jan 27 2016
   

       // land anywhere from Belgium to Bulgaria. //   

       There's really no good option there, is there ? The lucky ones will be those who die at launch.
—8th of 7, Jan 28 2016
   

       // The lucky ones will be those who die at launch //   

       I like your optimism - implying that a non-zero percentage of travellers will survive.
—mitxela, Jan 28 2016
   

       Hmmm, this could work if you had a passenger compartment which sealed well to the chunnel walls. Load up the passengers, then fire them to the other end compressing the air in front of it.   

       Once the unit reaches the other side a latch mechanism grasps the unit long enough for passengers to disembark and new ones get in for the return journey. The previously compressed air would only need a slight topping up to reverse the process.
—AusCan531, Jan 28 2016
   

       Powerful suction and compressed air are the same thing. It's all about frame of reference.
—bs0u0155, Jan 28 2016
   

       You've clearly never had a blow job.
—MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 29 2016
   

       If you use compressed air, I suspect the effects will be permanent.
—bs0u0155, Jan 29 2016
   
      
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