h a l f b a k e r yCall Ambulance,
Rebuild Kitchen.
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Oddly enough there is no centrifuge category I can
find, so I just have to go bit al fresco.
The idea is self-obvious, for the more tricky deliveries
a
centrifuge is used to give more of a push. Admittedly
the midwife will have to be inside too.
Just in case, volunteer sports-persons
with catcher
mitts
are deployed around the centrifuge.
US 3,216,423
https://patents.goo...3A/en?oq=US3216423A
Apparatus for facilitating the birth of a child by centrifugal force. [xaviergisz, Feb 14 2019]
Could be used with:
https://www.youtube...watch?v=NcHdF1eHhgc
The machine that goes PING! [MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 14 2019]
[link]
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I think this is going to place an unacceptable burden on the
already stretched finances of the NHS. You will inevitably get
women wanting to combined advantages of a birthing pool
and a centrifuge, requiring some sort of huge vortex tank. |
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However, most large hospitals are equipped with elevators,
and it should only require a little modification to their
controllers to allow them to produce several G, at least for a
few moments. |
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Or just reconfigure the tire swing in the old oak tree, and spin it in a circle; volunteer back-catchers deployed more thickly where the trajectory would intersect the tree trunk. |
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Ugh. I think I may have put up an idea here about an actually-intended-to-work pressing massager belt, under computer control, likely with ultrasound imager/sensors that could pulse the uterus from outside the body to safely cause more rapid birth and contractions (pressings) that were more effective but within a safe range. |
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It might create a little problem if the placenta precedes the occupant. Talk about a head rush... |
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//Oddly enough there is no centrifuge category// |
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Sometimes the world makes no sense. |
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So essentially a hospital funded fairground ride for women
giving birth? |
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Well it might help take their minds of the pain I suppose &
they surely deserve a bit of fun, last chance
they'll have for any for a few years [+] |
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//fairground ride for women giving birth// - this raises a vexing problem: Should the operator of the fairground ride charge the mother-to-be one fare or two? |
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Use electricity to make the pushy muscles more pushy? |
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Put a balloon in there behind the baby and inflate it? |
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[Voice]; that balloon idea is not entirely ridiculous. I think
the "inflation" should be with a nice sterile saline solution,
inserted via keyhole surgery on the left below the ribcage. |
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Hmm. I don't think there's really a need for a balloon - all
that's needed is some method of generating a pressure
gradient. This could be accomplished if hospitals were
equipped with deeper birthing pools - say about 500m or so -
and suitable heliox breathing apparatus. A rapid ascent at the
right moment ought to achieve the desired effect. |
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