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Engineers at BorgCo are finalising the production version of the new
Cellphone Destruction Bag.
The bag has an anonymous, undistinguished exterior, because all
the
clever stuff is inside. The bag is lined with rows of sharp-edged
tungsten carbide spikes, tipped with diamond flakes - rather
like an
inside-out sea urchin. In the base of the bag is a tray, loaded with
carborundum dust embedded with microcapsules of strong acids
and
alkali solutions, and powerful organic solvents.
An EHT generator powered by a rechargeable lithium battery pack
generates random 500kV arc discharges between the internal spike
tips.
There are also half a dozen small steel balls, filled with lead, and
covered in serrated tungsten-carbide spikes, like outside-out sea
urchins.
Pouches along the upper part of the bag intermittently dispense
talcum powder, fluff, bent paperclips, chewing gum, pellets of
lipstick,
and squares of chocolate.
The multi-mode attack results in a handset with a scratched and
cracked touchscreen, buttons ripped off, case cracked and distorted,
connection ports contaminated and unusable, corroded terminals,
and clogged microphone and speaker.
The BorgCo bag is capable of putting a typical mobile handset
verifiably beyond use nearly 8%* faster than a woman's normal
handbag ! Get yours today ! This offer is not available in the shops !
BorgCo - the name to rust in advanced technology.
* Random statistically-significant sample of handbags and
handsets
from different manufacturers.
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When I handed back my mobile phone to Docomo about 4 years ago they had something like one of those lever-type can-crushers on the , but with a big spike, and the the lass punched many holes through the more vital bits...it was like acupuncture for mobile phones, but the patient never makes it through the operation. It all means something. |
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//a big spike, and the the lass punched many holes through the more vital bits// |
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Was it something you'd said, do you think? |
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Still no match for my toddlers. |
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What's wrong with a sledge hammer? |
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[8th], based on recent posts it would seem likely that
you have recently discovered Women. First contact
with an alien civilisation is a tricky business. I would
recommend a prolonged period of observation before
intervening. |
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Fascinating (and worrying) to discover a planet inhabited by two very
related but entirely different species, particularly when it appears that
the smaller and less intelligent ones exert some sort of mysterious
and malign iinfluence over the big, smart ones .... |
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I'm not going to say anything. I'm just going to sit
here and watch. |
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I've never understood bigoted trekkies. Not saying you are one [8], as perhaps your comments are more trolly or run-of-the-mill keyboard rants. Given that one of ST's main themes is acceptance of the other, and with so many social firsts in ST:TOS (and Roddenberry's vision exceeded what we got to see), it's downright unsettling/sad/strange to run into fans like this. Meh, just another day on the Internet. Anyhoo, I wish you all the best with woman kind and perhaps even child kind one day. |
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// trolly or run-of-the-mill keyboard rants // |
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... or maybe some days it's fun just to shake the tree and see what falls out. Q is definitely on to something there. |
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So trolling then. Right. Glad I don't have to feel pity
for some kind of social disability. I hope what you
shook from my tree gave you some satisfaction. I
found it useful to clarify some latent thoughts, but
don't take that as encouragement to troll. |
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//Fascinating (and worrying) to discover a planet inhabited by two very related but entirely different species, particularly when it appears that the smaller and less intelligent ones exert some sort of mysterious and malign iinfluence over the big, smart ones ....// - 8/7 |
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//I'm not going to say anything. I'm just going to sit here and watch.//- MaxB |
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You know he's talking about cats, right? |
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I once, no make that twice in the same night, drove over
someone's cell phone and it just kept on working. Finally I
drove down the street and threw it in the bushes. Hell hath
no fury, etc. I won't say who's phone it was, but yes, it was
his. |
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<realize I'm not clever enough to understand all the
humor, subtlety, and cliquey onion layers of irony in
these annos, shrugs, and decides to continue to
speak plainly about what's on my mind> |
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//exert some sort of mysterious and malign iinfluence// |
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Did you notice that the borg got so excited writing that, his typing started to stammer?
I imagine him patting his fingertips together like Mr Burns : "Eeexcellent". |
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"Man is stronger by far than woman, yet only woman can
create a child. Does that seem right to you?" |
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My bad, [the porpoise]; I was aiming for entertainment, not exclusion - but missed. |
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Come inside, have a cup of tea, and we'll you issue with Exclusive Insiders' Clique membership number 0x17a5ff03. |
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It's not an exclusive club if you let just anyone join ... |
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// twice in the same night, drove over someone's cell phone and it just kept on working. Finally I drove down the street and threw it in the bushes. // |
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<makes note never to provoke [bliss]> |
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