h a l f b a k e r yI CAN HAZ CROISSANTZ?
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Cats have it good right... Granted they eat shite food, but they
seem to enjoy it, and when they aren't scoffing, they are
sleeping or generally dossing around.
I wanna be a cat.
Ok, so this is never gonna happen, but i could live like a cat for
a day... And so could you.
Cat World
is the place to be...
For a small fee, you can experience a day of lazyness like never
before (and i'm a student, so i know a bit about lazyness).
Through the doors, you are shown to your basket, complete
with pillows, blankets and toys, so you can get that much
needed nap before the day ahead.
Next you are awoken with a dish of food, any type of cereal you
like, no spoon, just tuck in... Also a dish of OJ or coffee if you
prefer.
After eating, another nap to recover your strength, before your
massage. This will loosen you up after your kip, and preper you
for the challenges that lie ahead... The outdoors.
Pop outside to roll in the grass, play with a ball, or just snooze
in the shade.
Lunch time is steak, chicken or fish (vegetarian options
available) with side orders of taters and veg and gravy if you
like. All the food is cut up finely to eliminate the need for
knives and forks, and wine is served in your drinks bowl.
Next comes the afternoon nap, on the windowsill (special xxl
windowsills have been created for your comfort), in a sunbeam
to take you up 'till playtime.
Outside again if you like, or go to the aggression room, where
you get to attack a choice of targets (based on human hands,
legs and faces) with specially designed attachable claws.
Finally one las nap takes you up 'till tea time, and a buffet
selection (accidently left unattended on the kitchen worktop)
for you to work through...
Cat world offers one day packages or weekends, with all food,
petting and accomodation included.
Activities like fishing, mousing and visits to the vets are
available at extra cost.
BTW No, i am not Dr Curry.
Additions hand picked from the annos...
Having to have a "funny half-hour" when you tear up and down
the hall and stairs and fling yourself under the sofa and skate
across the dining table as though you were quite possessed.
[The Kat]
Keep 'em coming...
Another Mike Oliver
http://www.halfbake.../www.mikeoliver.com
Hopefully this will clear a few things up. [MikeOliver, Oct 05 2004, last modified Oct 17 2004]
Are you Dave Gorman?
http://www.davegorman.com
What egbert was referring to. [friendlyfire, Oct 05 2004, last modified Oct 17 2004]
Find other Mike Olivers in the UK
http://www.yournotme.com/
with the help of this grammatically impaired website. [my face your, Oct 05 2004, last modified Oct 17 2004]
Cat-maker, cat-maker, make me a cat.
http://www.anomalie...ted.com/Catman.html
A glimpse into a man's obsession with becoming 'Catman.' [idyll, Oct 05 2004, last modified Oct 17 2004]
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// BTW No, i am not Dr Curry. // |
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What's that supposed to mean? |
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I'm sure that there are "specialist" S&M services that could do this for you. |
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I wanna drag it into the mainstream. C'mon everyone wants to try it out... |
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Don't be ashamed of what you are... |
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Yes, I admit it, I've often thought along these lines, but a specialist holiday package... yes, I could go for that. In a, you know, take it or leave it feline way. |
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Specialist services; holiday packages? You can eat out of my garbage can and sip my toilet for free. |
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//BTW No, i am not Dr Curry.// |
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Curry rarely makes spelling errors.
Curry rarely makes capitalization errors.
Curry rarely uses AOL Speak.
Curry frequently appends his ideas with useful and informative links.
Curry rarely has to say "I am not Mike Oliver." |
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I read the first anno on the scratching post idea, and your statement still doesn't make any sense to me. |
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Someone accused Mike of being DrCurry and then deleted the anno. |
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I'm not Mike Oliver, either, but I think you all guessed that. |
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But anyway, now we've got that out of the way, overall this idea sounds very much like a whole bunch of spas, where you can pay through the nose to be thoroughly pampered. Unless, of course, you intend the service to come with free spaying. |
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MikeOliver tries his best with spelling |
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MikeOliver tries to capitalise Appropriately |
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MikeOliver is unaware of AOL speak, but is familiar with the annoying AOL women on the ad |
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MikeOliver would provide more links but often has little time to search for amusing sites |
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Curry has on one occasion at least felt the need to claim "I am not MikeOliver" |
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I appear to have upset Jurist. |
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Forgive my earlier mood, i am not at my best in the morning |
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Good. Now go and find 54 other Mike Olivers. |
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What ever would i need 54 more for? |
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Will the real MikeOliver please stand up?
(sorry-just being stupid) |
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Anyhoo...I very much enjoy the thought of being a cat. But why just for a day?! Why not a week? Or forever! :) |
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If you can afford it, then why not... |
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I suppose being a cat forever is a WIBNI then due to the lack of funds. Unless someone wants to sponsor me - I will gladly take on a feline lifestyle ;) |
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Kit E Kat might sponsor you, but then you'd have to eat their food. |
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You know - DrCurry said earlier that this cat-for-a-day idea sounds like a bunch of spas, well maybe that's a good idea - a spa called "Cat for a day" and they pamper you as if you were a feline. I probably wouldn't go because I'm not so into the whole spa scene - but I am sure plenty of celebs would frequent there. |
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Cat for a day is for all, not just the rich and famous... But they are welcome too. |
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Do you have to shit in a box? |
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If you like... But if you do, you have to lick your own ass. |
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Toilets are available for the less dedicated felines. |
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You have no idea at all about the constitution of a Kat day. |
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1. Having to wake the household in the middle of the night with mind wrenching sqealing to be let out. |
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2. Having to vomit all over the middle of the best piece of furniture in the house and letting just a wee bit more dribble down onto the carpet. |
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3. Having to wake them up again at 5 a.m. because you just have to go outside. |
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4. Having to come in again at 5.30 a.m. (This goes on for the most part of the day of course.) |
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5. Having to steal food from either your own fridge/cupboard or next door's. Then turn your nose up at whatever tasteless muck is offered by your owner. |
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6. Having to make faces at next door's dog out of the window until you drive him quite mad. |
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7. Having to have a "funny half-hour" when you tear up and down the hall and stairs and fling yourself under the sofa and skate across the dining table as though you were quite possessed. |
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8. Having to stare at something that was not there for an hour or more and when you capture the human attention you spit and arch your back and back away - this is my favourite occupation - scares them shitless. |
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8. Having to use what Waugsqueke quaintly calls a box and miss by that much < >. |
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Oh I could write a book but I am much too lazy. |
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I did include stealing food (for teatime). |
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As for a crazy hour... consider it included. |
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Vomiting whilst not encouraged is permitted... This will be at the discretion of the guest, and may incur extra cleaning charges. |
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Any other suggestions will be considered. |
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BTW Kat has said in the past (and he is the expert on cat stuff) that he loves nothing more than ripping the curtains and sofa to bits with his marvellously manicured nails. |
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If you were my cat this week, the neighbours cat would have attempted to kill you, the resulting bite on the neck causing a huge abcess that would have to be cut out. The vet would have shaved you, and you would be continuing to have your temperature taken anally every three days. |
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This sounds like a metaphor for a methadone clinic. |
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Oh my God, I'm Helium's cat! |
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