Cat Depilation Pack

This is a trap designed to keep two pests at the edge of your property: cats and mosquitoes. First, using normal bait to lure the trespassing cat into it, the trap ensnares the kitty's head with a cone-shaped clamp around the neck (cat lovers, this is for the kitty's own protection and is only temporary. Think of one of those cones that vets put on them to prevent scratching).

Once the cat is so ensnared, the body is sprayed with depilatory foam. The foam is left on for 5 minutes to do its work, then high-pressure water nozzles spray the loosened hair off the body (think of it like a kitty car-wash). Results may be patchy... this is acceptable for the intended purpose.

The clamp is released and a heat lamp underneath the kitty is activated. Between the cat's shaking inside the cage, newfound (partial) hairlessness and lamp's heat, the cat will quickly dry.

The whole contraption is transported to the edge of the yard on a rail, where the cat is offered up to the mosquitoes as a living decoy to keep them away from the house. After 3-5 days (during which the kitty is fed and watered, because a dehydrated cat is not a sweating cat, and a non-sweating cat is not an attractive cat to mosquitoes) when the cat starts to regrow its hair, the trap opens, releases the cat, and resets itself for the next cat to come along and be stupid enough to trespass on my lawn.