h a l f b a k e r yClearly this is a metaphor for something.
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Anyone in the computer tech business has had to deal with the inanely, stupid customer at some time or another. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to weed out those calls long before you're stuck in a two-hour conversation about what an IRQ is?
That's where Caller I.Q. comes in. This handy-dandy device
enables tech support staff to instantly know the level of knowledge of the caller before he or she picks up the phone. Avoid the hassles of figuring out that the non-booting system is due to the surge protector being turned off. Who can forget the broken "automatic coffee cup tray?" All this and much more can be conveniently forgotten about with just a simple glance at the LCD screen. No muss...no fuss...no end-users.
StarChaser's 'Doofus of the (Unspecified Time Period)'
http://web.tampabay...starchsr/doofus.htm
The 'cream' of 4 years of tech support, for melanerpes. [StarChaser, Jun 01 2001, last modified Oct 04 2004]
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WIBNI.... however, in this case no....that's why they pay you guys the big bucks <grin>, your honour |
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I know, but we all have our pipe-dreams <grin>. |
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Isn't this a WIBNTBAT? (see idea description...) |
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"... may be monitored. Your call is
very important to us.
If you know the next number in the
series 8 5 4 9 1 7 6, press it now to be transferred to our smartass department.
Otherwise, please continue to hold." |
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How are you spelling "two" and "three"? |
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(Of course, the real smartass knows that there are an infinite number of definable series beginning with any finite sequence...) |
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The real beauty part: Those most needful of Caller I.Q. Block™ will never figure out how to activate it. |
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something similar to this appeared in a ren & stimpy comic |
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Something similar to Ren and Stimpy appeared in The Ruff and Reddy Show. |
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How about "Answerer A. Q." Arrogance Quotient. |
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The tech support folks are supposed to answer phones and help USERS! That is, people who paid real money for software that is frequently underdocumented, and bug-ridden. I have spent hours, days, and weeks trying to solve a problem that was not mine, but I was too intimidated to call tech support because I might reveal that I don't know what an IRQ is. Believe it or not, a computer is not an end...it is a means. Why should a user know anything about a computer? |
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These high-tech high I.Q. folks type my question into their computer and read me the answer that pops up. Mostly, the answers are useless and I hang up and go back to work and solve the problem myself. |
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I may not know what an IRQ is, but I know what a JIRQ is. |
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[Apologies for this rant...] |
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melanerpes: What's worse is when
you ring up your ISP's tech
support not because you've messed
something up or need assistance,
but because there is something
broken on their end. |
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I don't want to name names here,
but my ISP appears to be
completely incompetent in this
regard, especially in the area of
admitting that they've broken
something, and then fixing it. |
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Example 1: replacing the
chem.com.au web page with someone
else's (presumably because they
made a typo somewhere in their
server configuration); the tech
support at first didn't understand
the problem, and then proceeded to
make things worse by fiddling with
random things. It was eventually
fixed, though. |
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Example 2: their dialup system
randomly refused to accept our
username and password. They
eventually verified that this was
a problem by trying to dial up
from one of their computers, and
fixed it (without telling us what
was wrong in the first place);
however, before that they tried to
do various things to our computer
which didn't fix anything, but
_really_ screwed up our LAN to the
point where I had to reinstall
networking on that machine. |
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I could continue to grizzle and
rant, but I think everyone gets
the point by now. It isn't only
end-users who are stupid. In
fact, most of them aren't. I just
wish I could say the same for my
experiences with tech support ;) |
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Glad I hit a nerve here. [melanerpes] You should understand that this product is made to deal with customers that "think" they know more than the techs they are calling. I had yet another wonderful experience with an end-user yesterday. We were attempting to get a program to work that requires the user to have IE 5.0 or higher. I spent 25 minutes explaining that Netscape wouldn't work because it wouldn't accept the ActiveX plug-in that was needed to run the program. He argued over and over that a browser was a browser and Netscape should work. I ended up convincing him to transfer me to someone else. |
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This product is not made to block out intelligent people that are willing to work with the people they call for assistance. Just the ones that you want to end the conversation with, "if you didn't want my help, why did you call me?" |
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[cp] The major difference between an end-user and a tech is the power of choice. We can't control who we deal with, you can. If your ISP is chocked-full of half-wits, get a new one. |
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Just an additional note: Support techs don't hate end-users. We wouldn't have a job without them. I've helped 4th graders install complex, network software and talked customers (with no computer experience) through rebuilding their PCs. I've even helped customers install a competitor's software, because that's what I do for a living. I help people. I enjoy my work. But in order for me to do my job, you have to be smart enough to want to be helped and that's where Caller I.Q. comes in. |
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Yes, sometimes you might get a bad tech. More often, we get bad users. People who try and tell us how we WILL fix their problem, without caring whether it's actually possible or not. |
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Take a look at my webpage for examples of these. |
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Yes, we're supposed to help users. However, you need to remember that WE DID NOT WRITE THE SOFTWARE. OR the documentation. We have no control over how it works or does not work, and we sometimes need to do a little looking around to figure out how it isn't working. Bellowing that 'I can't get to Outlook!' withouth telling us that A) You recently changed ISP's but wanted to keep your old email address and B) you're not dialed in because you didn't know how to change the dialin number makes it hard on us. |
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And no, it's not just 'type your question into our computer and read the answer'. If it was, we'd probably include the database on the CD. Of course, since lUsers don't ever read the documentation or help files anyway... |
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This could be approached from a more positive light... and possibly do some good. |
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It really could be a rating of technical ability (as opposed to human kindness quotent or other important items) that would help a tech know what level to start out with a support call. If the system pops up "newbie, nice" then you can be polite, chatty and make sure you specify every mouse click and key press. If it says "newbie, asshole" you can be cooly professonal, with the recorder on, and get them finished ASAP (which is what an asshole newbie wants anyway). If it says "techgod, angered" you can apologize, and esc the call to the next level without wasteing time. |
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I even think that a system could be implemented for rating each call after the call is done... the phone system just hangs on a sec after the caller hangs up and asks you to rate the callers technical ability from 1 to 9 and the callers personallity from 1 (asshole) to 9 (sweetheart). |
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Maybe the same system could be used to allow the caller to rate the tech... sort of like the ebay feedback system. |
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An awesome idea! Where do I get one? |
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