h a l f b a k e r yThe mutter of invention.
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"Sir, it nears 2400 hours, the enemy has been sighted, and the drones are ready to launch .
"Explain again how you expect to keep that horde out of our city with us outmanned and outgunned Major.
"Sir, when the attacks began much of our grid was destroyed. Many places had auxiliary power but
the San Diego zoo has been without power for five days now." I have modified the drones by removing the armaments and replacing them with conventional laser pointers, I've programmed them to detect muzzle flash and trajectory and to deviate the point of light to not coincide with incoming fire." "There is no way human reflexes would be fast enough to follow the course changes, but these are Lions, Tigers, and Jaguars sir, most of them should make it to their trenches... and they haven't eaten in five days."
"Good God man! I almost pity them... launch the drones and blow the cages."
Tiger and laser pointer.
https://www.youtube...watch?v=Jvsa2kzXRqI
[2 fries shy of a happy meal, Apr 06 2018]
Just another short story ...
Maizechinegun
[normzone, Apr 07 2018]
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Curiosity killed the enemy... |
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I wonder how much interest lions, tigers, and jaguars
would take in a laser pointer. I suspect they'll be
sleeping much of the time. Maybe some cougars? |
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Hopefully these drones have some ability to dodge
incoming fire? |
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"Sir, I regret to have to inform you of failure. |
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"What! explain yourself Major. |
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"I can report over 90% success for the cats reaching the
enemy trenches sir, however, it seems we neglected to
include
a cut out
on the laser pointers & the cats appear to find the
wiggly points of light of more interest than the enemy
soldiers sir, accept one that's found a ball of
wool, we're a little confused by that one sir, the
inquiry to find out who's responsible for the wool is still
ongoing sir, but I digress, unfortunately it does appear that
as a
result
enemy casualties have in fact been zero sir. |
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"Well just turn the pointers off then. |
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"We can't sir, we disabled the remotes & set the drones on
autopilot so the enemy couldn't jam them, in hindsight that
might have been a mistake. |
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"I thought you said they hadn't been fed. |
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"Yes sir, I've sent someone to ask the keeper about that. |
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"My god man what are we going to do! |
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"I'm afraid that's not all sir. |
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"What! you mean there's more? |
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"Yes sir, and it's worse, it seems we timed things a little
poorly, the animals arrived just as they were going over the
top for a big push, if anything the cats in their trenches
appear to be encouraging them to run towards us faster &
they're experiencing fewer desertions than might normally
be
expected, nowhere to run away to you see with the cats
behind them sir. |
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"Why not, you just said the damn cats aren't interested in
them. |
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"Yes but they don't know that do they sir, would you stop to
check it wasn't interested if you had a lion behind you? |
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"It rather looks like the command tent is
going to
be overrun within the next two minutes sir. |
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"Well you'd better pass the bloody port then hadn't you
Major, can't
have the blighters getting their hands on that. |
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^ I knew that was you... either you or dddropdeadly. You guys wouldn't be the same person would you? |
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// I wonder how much interest lions, tigers, and jaguars would take in a laser pointer. I suspect they'll be sleeping much of the time. Maybe some cougars?// |
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Seems to depend on the cat. I imagine that hungry cats are more inclined to chase things. [link] |
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//Hopefully these drones have some ability to dodge incoming fire?// |
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That's the beauty of lasers. The drones can hover safely out of range. They would also weigh substantially less, and so be able to maneuver much faster, than specs would indicate so, as long as they maintain what appears to be a defensive-border position, there's a good chance they and the hungry cats would be ignored until it becomes too uh... |
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<places pinky finger alongside mouth whilst raising one eyebrow> |
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//wouldn't be the same person would you?// |
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You do realize this only works once don't
you? |
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"They've released the cats again general. |
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"Deploy the special anti cat grenades sergeant! |
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[cue a volley of large balls of wool with a temptingly loose
thread dangling from each & grenades sans pins tucked
inside] |
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//You do realize this only works once don't you?// |
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"It only had to work once, that's the beauty of a bodge Corporal. What's left of the city has been saved, the enemy was wiped out to a man so the tactic remains unknown, the cats have been rounded up and stomach-pumped. We leave for Las Angeles at O nine hundred!" |
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Where is this place? Never heard of it. |
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Try prounouncing it "Laaaas Anjlss". It's South of Sun Frnsescow, and a long way West of Noo Joysey. |
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Oh, you mean nearish to San Vegas and Los Diego? |
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"If they make it as far as Voncouver we'll let the cougars have their way with them." |
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" I suspect they'll be sleeping much of the time. Maybe some cougars? " |
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Ahh, cougars ...God bless 'em, every one. |
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One of my grandfathers was assisted by lions during the Second World War. Part of his job was to help guard prisoners of war in East Africa, and one reason why none of them ever tried to escape was that they all preferred to be on that side of the wire where the lions were not. |
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