h a l f b a k e r yCrust or bust.
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When you get on the bus and sit down, punch in your destination on the keypad built into your seat. Then go to sleep. When you get to your stop, the widow* next to you opens and your seat dumps you out onto the sidewalk.
*or window, if you prefer
[link]
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What if the woman next to you's husband is still alive? |
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Then you should take your hand off her knee. |
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You could program her husband’s seat to dump him out at the next stop. |
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Do it between stops, and you'll take care of the widow issue. |
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bun for AO just for leaving the typo in. |
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For fun, press the button for a future stop, and then get off the bus. If the person who was sitting next to you puts their bag on the empty seat, then their bag gets tossed out the window. <nelson muntz> Ha, ha! </nelson> |
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I recently heard that you can get a ticket for sleeping in
the New York subway trains...Is this true? |
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Nope - Ticket from the cops. been happening since Mike Bloomberg took over, It sounds like an urban legend to me, but my girlfriend swears it happened to a friend of a friend.. |
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It would be better if you could buy a sleeping ticket for about 10% more than regular fare. That way, when you’re asleep, and the cop comes by, taps you with his night stick and says, “Oi, you can’t sleep here,” you just show him your sleeping ticket, the cop says, “Right, carry on, then,” and leaves you alone. Other passengers with awake-only tickets look on jealously. |
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//taps you with his night stick // <snicker snicker> |
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sj: I've nodded off many a time on the ride home, entirely without reprimand, and seen many others sleeping unmolested. |
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The transit police do target the homeless and panhandlers riding the rails, but they tend to focus on the drugged out, lying in a puddle of piss, stinking up the whole compartment types. (The NAACP lost that fight: the subway is private property.) |
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There has been a lot of talk recently about a supposed ticketing spree, but the average number of tickets has not gone up, and similar horror stories abound from the 70s, 80s and 90s. |
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She wore black. She always did, her and a million like her. Wandering widows working for the bus lines.
'Ticket please.'
I could see her lips through the black netting.
'I have a sleeper stop in Bartlett...' I begin hesitantly.
That enigmatic smile, 'Don't worry. I've done this before.' |
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<Checks price of Martin Baker shares, grins, reaches for brochure on new Beechcraft.......> |
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I don't recommend sleeping on public transportation. You're an easy target for being robbed and/or beaten. (I know the latter from experience.) |
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Er .... sorry about that. We thought you were somebody else. |
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k_sra, do your wandering widow as a superheroine, I like the cut of her jib or gib or giblet or something. |
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good idea gone wrong about halfway.. type in your destination and go to sleep... when you arrive a set of springhands(retracting boxing gloves?) slaps you awake |
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*to make it better*: I think you should add a complementary peanut and coke dispenser to the "dumper-offer" so we can eat on the way down the chute. It would make me more prone to ride the bus. -k.w. |
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