Burlham Safety Post

During World War I, when aircraft were first being introduced as a military asset, safety provisions were at a minimum. Seat belts were not commonly used due to the extra effort required to release oneself from the cockpit in the event of a crash landing. As you can imagine, fires frequently broke out after crashes, and to be caught in a burning plane made of cloth and wood meant certain death. Equally perilous was pilots falling from their aircraft when banking or diving, however, so something needed to be conceived to satisfy both needs. An Ace named Henry Burlham invented a device which was extremely simple and useful. The Burlham Safety Post enjoyed wide popularity among pilots. It consisted of a well-polished brass post mounted in the center of the seat which the pilot would sit on. To be clear, the post was inserted through a flap in the pilot’s uniform and into his rectum. When performing a maneuver that could throw the pilot from the aircraft, he would tighten his sphincter muscle and be able to maintain not only his position in the seat, but also excellent control of the plane. The device was eventually phased out as quick-release harnesses were invented. But many pilots from the era recollected the Burlham Safety Post fondly.

This idea could very easily be adapted for use in automobiles so that people who are opposed to seatbelts would have another option. In many US states, seatbelt use is required by law. This creates a great amount of tension especially among members of the NRA who don't want anyone telling them what they can and can't do. These people could simply opt to use the Burlham Safety Post instead of a seatbelt to allow them to quickly exit a burning vehicle while still maintaining excellent control just before a crash. They would also enjoy the idea that they have an option, like owning a gun or not.

There is also quite an uproar about recent school bus accidents where seatbelts could have prevented serious injury among children thrown about the inside of the bus like dolls. The Burlham Safety Post would be a far cheaper solution than installing shoulder belts or airbags on these buses. This version could be made of wood or plastic instead of brass to save drastically on cost.

There is a huge style aspect to this idea as well. Just picture a tricked-out Honda Civic with the neon light underneath, air foils on both the rear deck and on the windshield wipers, a super loud stereo, and a neon Burlham Safety Post displayed proudly on the driver's seat.