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Lovingly crafted by our crack team of trained foundry monkeys, these individually-cast bronze conkers feature a pre-drilled hole through which a length of sturdy cord can be threaded. Their surface is then machined to a rich chestnut, satin-gloss.
During an altercation, a gentleperson so equipped
might enswhirle these about their person in such a crazed and frenzied a manner as to admonish no mean degree of perturbement upon his or her would-be assailants.
Should the occasion warrant, upon a different circumstance, a close inspection by an officer of the law yields little more than a conker, such as a 9-year-old might have about their pockets. Certainly, such an object would fail to qualify under many of the legislative classifications provided by the current legislation so proscribing the personal equipment of injurious articles.
Brass vs Bronze
http://www.diffen.c...nce/Brass_vs_Bronze
This is interesting - a whole website of comparsions [hippo, Feb 06 2017]
This, but in bronze
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conkers
Horse Chestnuts ? [popbottle, Feb 07 2017]
Video, complete with cute girls ...
https://www.youtube...watch?v=cLGuZZraIqg
[normzone, Feb 08 2017]
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Annotation:
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The title says "brass conkers", but they seem to have
alchemically transmuted to bronze by the time we get
to the idea description |
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Perhaps we could call it a brass monkey? |
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"You can have my weapon when my dead fingers are cold enough to pry it from." |
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It's an odd expression that - surely it would be
easier to pry something from warm dead fingers - i.e.
before rigor mortis had set in? Also, why should the
person doing the prying care about finger
temperature? They're not going to have a digital
thermometer (ha ha) on them, and whatever promises
about waiting for your fingers to cool down they
might have given you prior to your death you're never
going to know what temperature your fingers were at
when the prying was done. |
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// surely it would be easier to pry something from warm dead fingers // |
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Of course it would. The point is that you're saying to them "Even after I'm dead, I'm still going to be fighting to hold on to my weapon. I'm not going to make it easy for you." |
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This suggests the need for a controlled, scientific
study of gun-owners to see how many continue to fight
for their right to bear arms following death. |
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Excellent idea. We will be delighted to introduce you to numerous gun owners for a free and frank exchange of fire ... |
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//alchemically transmuted to bronze// You know what, I have somehow, until today, managed not to know the difference between the two, imagining they were near synonymous. Bronze is better colour-wise, while Brass allows for various "Brass Monkey"/"Brass Knuckles" connectitive associations to be made. I'll try, Boris Johnson style to have my cake and eat it, until such time as I can't get away with it any further, and the whole sorry edifice comes crumbling down about my ears. |
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The thing I'm most worried about is that in the course of a frenzied defence, someone were to accidentally brain themselves, leaving their person open to an ensuing rob - this may be preferable to getting both robbed and stabbed, with the unwelcome consequence of laying that decision entirely into the hands of the assailant, who may not have an individual's best interests at heart, nor be well regarded in terms of their judicial competencies. |
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When you lack so much freedom you have to carry around a child's toy for self-defense. |
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Isn't socialism wonderful ? |
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As opposed to Crass Bonkers? |
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makes winning a conker fight almost impossible. |
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Certainly not - "Two falls, two submissions, or a knockout" ... |
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//When you lack so much freedom you have to carry around a child's toy for self-defense.// |
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"We're so safe all we carry for defence is a toy." |
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