h a l f b a k e r yContrary to popular belief
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In a careful co-mingling of the art of wiring, pruning and
clipping trees to make miniature versions of venerable
giants of the plant kingdom, and the now almost forgotten
art of Chinese foot-binding, UBCo's shadowy Asian
operations arm brings you "Bonsai Warriors"
Deliberately fed growth
retardants, bound and constrained
and trained within a katana blade edge of their lives,
these heavily armed, deadly, little buggers will have your
intruders', burglars' or enemies' feet off in a trice and be
standing back in seemingly casual poses near your azalea
beds before you know it, cleverly disguised as garden
statuary.
Best of all, they're cheap to keep and clean up after
themselves.
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I like that they clean up after themselves. + |
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But how do they do that? Bury amputated body parts in a shallow grave in the garden? Hide 'em in the dumpster inside a bag of rose clippings? Or do they proudly present, on your doormat, the fruits of their prowess? |
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All of the above, [lurch]. Obviously, if you also
employ guard dogs then the occasional criminal's foot
will be a tasty treat for the dishlickers. |
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