h a l f b a k e r ynon-lame halfbakery tagline
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Bodycatapulto
portable lightweight (airplane-aluminum) easily-concealable corpse flinger/tosser | |
Ok so you've been through that same old he says "Hey. I ain't
no rat." And you say "Paisano, it ain't personal. It's
Business!"
and he says, Can you take care of my niece
Puzzolente Formagia? With a half way decent boob job and
some new .... but you go ahead and stick a stiletto in his
eye and shoot him in the head.
NOW WHAT?? Whaddaya gonnado wid that 280 pounds of
flabby Manacott and stale pizza breath?
Simple. Load your Bodycatapulto onto any good sized lorry.
(truck) Drive down any deserted hiway, and when you see
an appropriately desolate spot, Pull the lever and ZINga
PINga MINga!!! The fat bastard goes flying a good three
miles out in the swamp. Or forest. Or Ocean. Whatever,
Think King Arthur meets The Godfather.
[link]
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For a three mile range with an unaerodynamic 125kg dead Italian, he's going to have to go about two miles (3000m, 10,000') AMSL. |
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Even neglecting air resistance, vertical launch velocity needs to be at least 250m/s, at 45 degrees that's nearer 350 m/s. |
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So the device - which presumably relies entirely on stored mechanical energy - is going to accelerate a 125kg mass to 350m/s (350m/s is about 850 mph, more than Mach 1) and be transportable on a truck. |
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Let's see... desecrating a corpse, preventing a proper burial, littering, violating controlled airspace, posession of a dangerous projectile weapon, oh, and murdering fat Italians ... what's not to like ? [+] |
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In fewer words, try a rocket assist. |
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(+) for the quote on your homepage... the idea, not so much. |
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A prep stage prechamber is needed. During the drive, the
body is exsanguinated and chopped into manageable pieces to
lighten the per-shot weight. Then the pieces can be launched
individually. |
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Liquid nitrogen. Freeze it, trim it, launch it from a cannon feet first. |
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This is obviously what drones were invented for. Attach body, set it to fly out to sea until the batteries run out. |
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In the near future, you could murder someone, sit them in their self-driving car and make it drive them to mexico, or off a pier (which may equate to the same thing if you're starting in britain). |
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[mixtela] I think the tricky part will be to get the self
driving car to drive off the road. |
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Not that I think there won't be at least a few instances of a
self driving car leaving the road, but those events will be
somewhat random and hard to reproduce on demand. |
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Load a Microshit OS. Running away into the tall grass comes as standard. |
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"A prep stage prechamber is needed. During the drive,
the body is exsanguinated and chopped into manageable
pieces..." |
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EXCELLENT use the past tense of exsanguination... Certainly
one of the leaner nations. |
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Or install an Apple iPhone GPS. |
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1. Body goes in the trunk. Car starts driving. |
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2. In-trunk masticator slices/dices the corpse into, say,
.5-inch cubes. |
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3. Blood and other fluids are diluted and sprayed out in a
fine mist from a nozzle at the side of the car, or mixed in
with vehicle exhaust. |
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4. The cubes are individually ejected at, say, quarter-
mile intervals. |
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5. Wife drives car, discovers odd smell coming from trunk.
6. CSI team investigates leftover hairs and other odd
dna bits in trunk.
7. The pen gets one more inmate. |
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Rayford Steele... The odd smell coming from the trunk may
well be Puzzolente Formagia, (smelly cheese) The victim's
niece. |
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So you're out fishing late at night, and suddenly a nasty,
funky smelling, dead body lands in your boat? Hmmm, Ok,
that would make for a good story to tell the kids. + |
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"I'm telling you guys, it was THIS BIG <spreads arms wide> and it jumped right into the boat... didn't even have to net it ! It was AWESOME ! But I was already up to my bag limit, so I had to throw it back ... got a pic here on my phone mind you, shame it's a bit blurred... yeah, sure I'll have another beer... " |
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so what's wrong with the traditional methods? |
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step 1. convince vic.. ah.. "client", to sit in barbers chair - step 2 slice throat under guise of shaving said "clients" stubbly bits - step 3 present corp.. sorry, "client" to Mrs Lovett, with compliments. |
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"mince pie anyone"? (CMOT Dibbler Ankh-Morpork victuallers association) |
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