h a l f b a k e r yYou gonna finish that?
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Leave it to the crazy Catholics to come up with candy tie-in incentives for worshiping their particular deity. Advent calendars, for those of you who don't know, are basically a tray of chocolate candy sandwiched between perforated cardboard. The front cardboard usually features some sort of religious
art, fashioned into calendar days. Through the pre-Christmas season (Advent for us sinners), children open the perforated "doors" for each day and eat the chocolate until the holiday falls. My idea adapts a similar calendar for a far more practical purpose. It would place your standard birth control hormones (measured triphasic dose) inside each chocolate candy. The candies could resemble anything - pills, penises, truffles. Instead of baby Jesus on the front, you could use zen koans, or Kama Sutra musings. Better yet would be to license popular pop culture iconography (Hello Kitty, N'sync, Invader Zim, etc) and just rake in the novelty shopper dough. I'm sure there's a few gals out there who would love opening tiny Bjork album covers or She-Ra's Crystal Castle doors to obtain their daily birth control dose. It would also be a handy bedside item, as the daily chocolate could be removed and placed on the pillow for post-coital snacking. Most Advent calendars feature a larger bit of chocolate for Christmas, so the birth control calendar would include a little chocolate fetus on the last day, to remind you that it's time for a new pack. Granted, it wouldn't be the most portable of contraceptive options, but it would look nice on the wall (especially if it was a picture of Prince), promote family planning, and let you (and your partner) know if you might've missed a dose.
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You really should have some reference to the calendar method of birth control. Perhaps instead of an advent theme, the little boxes would be opened when your (partner's) temperature reached certain levels? |
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I like it; you get my vote. But I am a bit concerned about the post coital snack--provided the male partner doesn't mistake it for a tasty treat too often, or any preconceived nippers find the calandar and do as I did as a child (EVERY DAY is Christmas! Eat them all NOW), it just might work.
Wait--if the male eats them often enough, his oestrogen/progesterone levels may alter significantly enough to cycle back to the original purpose. |
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I wonder what the middle ground might do to your child. |
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Actually, "Your daddy was on birth control." might make a good insult. It implies a lack of intellegence on the part of your father, the likelyhood that you were a mistake, and even perhaps that you have genetic imperfections. |
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The uninitiated insultee might then reply with 'yo mamma was', to which the insulter could smile wryly, and thank him/her. |
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You get a croissant just for having put the idea of a Hello Kitty contraceptive advent calender in my head. |
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