h a l f b a k e r y"Not baked goods, Professor; baked bads!" -- The Tick
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Ingesting a bird can do serious damage to a jet engine.
I suggest the use of goliath bird eating tarantulas in front of the engine nascelles to protect the engines from this hazard.
It is likely that the spiders, being of a relatively low metabolism, could survive in the rarified atmosphere at
35,000 feet. The cold however may present a problem, therefore bleed air from the turbines would need to be fed to an arachnoidal warming platform fitted beneath the spiders.
In addition, to ensure the spiders were sufficiently motivated at their task it would be necessary to exchange spiders that had recently eaten due to catching a bird with other spiders which had been denied a meal for an interval of time which, despite remaining basically humane, rendered them extremely peckish and rather agressive.
Agression of the spiders could be further augmented through the use of psychotropic drugs and possibly a checklist item for the pilots reminding them to poke the spiders with a stick during the pre-flight inspection.
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I am bunning this excellent idea, but I suspect that the spiders are either going to need cybernetic enhancements, genetic modifications, or both to be able to catch a bar-headed goose on a collision course at 540 miles per hour. |
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I was going to bone this, but [G_C]s anno made me laugh. |
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...and today, accident investigators report
that the crash of HalfAir101 in Seattle last
week may have been due to severe
cobwebbing of the starboard ailerons.... |
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/checklist item for the pilots reminding them to poke the spiders with a stick / |
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Sticky notes with this checklist item preprinted could be dispensed to pilots as well as the population at large. |
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By the way, [bitmonkey], how did it taste? |
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could be a sad day at the pidgen races if someone forgot to double check the spider retaining bracket for tightness. |
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Flight pricing would need adjusting, to
take into account the surge in life
insurance payments, most notably to
families of devoured baggage handlers. |
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I suspect that the tubular nature of snakes, and their ability to eat larger birds might make them more suitable for the task. Heaters and humidifiers might be necessary, but denying them food might not be essential, so long as you ensure that the snake was shedding. |
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[edit] Oh, wait, we can't use snakes, they just did that as a movie. |
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//bleed air from the turbines would need to be fed to an arachnoidal warming platform// |
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what about the new bleedless engines being produced by GE? |
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[G_C], if the dirty-great-big-hand-sized huntsman cleaning its fangs on my windscreen last week (as I was doing 110km/h down the freeway and desperately trying not to soil my pants) is anything to go by, I don't think that spider-clingage will be an issue. |
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It was not, however, tucking into any migratory wetland birds. But I'd like to think that that was because it was sizing ME up for dinner. |
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Won't work. The spiper's bells woud cause
a diversion, and screw up the whole
timing. Sorry. |
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