h a l f b a k e r ycarpe demi
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If you think it's OK to have a squirrel proof bird feeder
but
not OK to have a bird proof squirrel feeder you're clearly
worse than Hitler.
Get ready to virtue signal with this great invention that'll
have your neighbors cowering in fear at your incredible
wokeness.
The squirrel feeder
consists of a seed dispenser that it
protected from pesky birds by a defensive cone of air
that
heavier, fur covered squirrels can easily walk through,
but
that lighter, feathered birds get blown away by.
Put this out in front of your house with a sign showing
that
you are better than everybody else because you're not a
speciesist pig like they are.
Instructions include what to say when neighbors ask "Why
the hell would have have a bird proof squirrel feeder?"
Response: "Oh, birds are somehow superior to squirrels?
OK Adolph, enjoy your KKK meeting later."
[link]
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Yes, those damn pooping machine chickadees go
potty
all over the beautiful feeder, we installed for the
furry
little cuties. |
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Wait...Maybe, maybe that was supposed to be for
them...who knows, we got so many up you'd need a
road map to figure out who's is who's. |
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(not sure about "wokeness" or your satire, but +
anyway. |
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Explanation: A lost parakeet came to my window the
other
week and I tried to lure it in but it got away. So I'm
searching for squirrel proof bird feeders and decided to
stir
up some controversy to take away from the fact that I'm
becoming an old man that puts "Feed birds" on his list of
things to do that day. |
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The idea that I'd be thought of as a nice guy who feeds
birds would make me kind of nauseated. Since I'm taking
over 8ths spot as being the top cold, hardened,
emotionless smart-ass here those are big shoes to fill and
starting off by feeding the pretty birdies isn't getting me
off to a good start. |
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I'll need some patience as I ascend to my new roll. I hope
to make 8th proud. |
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More easily achieved with weight activated food dispensing
or same for a door into a covered feeding area or box. |
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Such methods also have the advantage of
being entirely unpowered. |
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Ugh! Why didn’t I think of that? Of course, duh,
you just reverse the anti squirrel weight triggered
rejection mechanism with a weight triggered
feeding mechanism birds are too light to trigger.
Damn it! |
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In my defense I started writing this post before I
actually had a solution, the air thing came to mind
when it was time to actually suggest something
because this is more satire than anything else. |
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Ascending to your new role, are ya [doc]? Are we talking
croissants or tp? |
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As for feeding the birds, tuppence a bag. |
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Proper password? "It's me, bushy, Fatso sent me". |
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Next up: Feeder Proof Bird Squirrel. This furry flying being can get into ANY feeder no matter who it is designed for or against. |
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A winged squirrel with a hammer then. |
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//Next up: Feeder Proof Bird Squirrel.// |
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Which will lead to the squirrel proof feeder bird and the
feeder squirrel proof bird. |
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I find the last one the most intriguing. |
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Personally I'm offended. Why can't we have a feeder
resistant to the whole of chordata, animalia even? Using
their mobility and anatomy to outcompete our unicellular
comrades? No, a fine steel mesh that will let the nuts rot
slowly supporting a diverse microbial utopia! |
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Counterpoint: some birds are smart. I don't know much
about squirrels (none of them over here) but I would
strongly suspect that for any feeder that a squirrel can
use, some birds will find a work-around. |
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// I don't know much about squirrels (none of them over
here)// |
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There is a place with no squirrels? Really? |
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Yes, but there are Drop Bears which are rather worse (allegedly). |
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// let the nuts rot slowly supporting a diverse microbial utopia // |
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Sounds like [pertinax]'s underpants ... |
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WELCOME BACK!!! YOU SCARED THE HELL OUT OF
US!! |
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Now get back to work. We need some dark
cynicism
here. Place has turned into a damn Teletubbies
episode with you gone. |
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Seriously dude, where the hell have you been? |
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//Sounds like [pertinax]'s underpants ...// That
must be your favourite recording, which is why it's
on a permanent repeat loop, and you spent the
last month listening to it non-stop, instead of
posting your usual rubbish here. |
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I had hoped the mic would come out in the wash. |
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8th was just waiting for a new month. Kind of like a clean
slate, kind of. Whatever, we love you Mr. 8th, and don't ever
scare us like that again. |
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//8th was just waiting for a new month.// I heard he was
getting a conservatory put on the back of the cube and the
planning permission process got out of hand. |
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