Bicycle Guard Goose

The history of human/animal symbiosis is long and noble. There's a whole menagerie, canaries volunteering to test mines, bears exercising their inalienable right to dance to barrel organ music, or mice leaping onto researcher's syringes. The goose, often found bathing in the warmth of those metal cupboard things in kitchens seldom gets to display its talents while alive.

Now, I notice geese sort of "honk". A bit like those bulb- horn things you may have seen on bicycles. Recently, my bell was stolen. I could replace the bell with a live goose. It could sit, happily on my handlebars, and a timely prod could elicit a honk to warn errant pedestrians. Further to these duties, I could park my bike, safe in the knowledge that my 20lb goose would scare away potential thieves. Everyone knows geese are dangerous, as a child I was specifically told that a non-specific sort of relative was in some way maimed by an enraged goose, as such I stayed away. These geese will be trained to be doggedly territorial about the bycycle to which they are epoxied. When parked in groups, the noise alone will be enough to deter... people, in general. The ankle-deep goose shit will be an issue.