h a l f b a k e r yGuitar Hero: 4'33"
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Having flown a lot in the last 12 months, I've been applying
my nasty, twisted mind to ways air travel can be
improved.
Rather than insist on the largely useless seatbelts
provided, I think a harness similar to a backpack, with the
loop side of Velcro facing outward, to contact the hook
surface
on the seat back, would be ideal.
Then all passengers are safely seated and snug even if the
'plane were to somehow end up upside down for a bit. The
harness would act more like a pilot's harness and less like a
waist-level guillotine in the event of a err... sudden stop.
Of course, there's also the amusement value of a massive,
sustained farting noise as everyone gets up to exit the
aircraft.
Airplane airbags
http://en.wikipedia...ki/Airplane_airbags
[Klaatu, Jan 17 2013]
Amsafe GA airbags
http://www.amsafe.c...n/seatbelt-airbags/
The airlines just need to catch up with GA "In service since 2001, nearly 80% of new general aviation aircraft have the AmSafe Seatbelt Airbag system installed as new equipment." [Klaatu, Jan 17 2013]
[link]
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[Ubie]!!!!! I.... noticed you weren't here. |
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So, Velcro the passengers into their seats? Yes, but
how does the restraining force of Velcro compare to
that of a seatbelt? And, if the force is sufficiently
adequate, shirley the passengers will not be able to
get out of their seats at all? |
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// The harness would act more like a pilot's harness and less like a waist-level guillotine in the event of a err... sudden stop // |
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The option of providing the cattle with proper 4- or 5-point harnesses like wot pilots get has obviously not occurred to you ... |
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In 98% of aircraft incidents, a lapbelt provides
adequate restraint. In 98% of the remaining 2% of
incidents, it really doesn't matter. |
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It had occurred to me, [8th]. I just couldn't see how
little old ladies wouldn't choke themselves in a 5-
point harness. |
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What about regular 3-point inertia reels? Shirley that would be easy enough for most people to use and provide better protection than a lap belt (or velcro). |
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3-point inertia reels probably would work better,
[DIYMatt], but that would take away the awesome
noise of 150-300 people tearing their arses off the
seats all at once, after landing. |
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I think that if all passengers got up at the same time it would sound less like a giant fart and more like the end of the world. Massively funny, although 1 or 2 heart attacks per flight would probably be the average due to unexpecting passengers with poor heart conditions. |
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I'm going to [+] it just for the image of passengers doing all sorts of contortionist trying to pull themselves free. |
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^Have you flown recently? Most passengers can hardly pry themselves out of the seats to begin with. |
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I can't say that's my experience. In reality it's quite the opposite. The plane has barely touched the tarmac and people start standing up like jacks-in-the-box. Perhaps you got a flight with an unusual amount of overweight passengers? |
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I still contend that, if the velcro can be parted by
the effort of standing up, then it will underadequate
as a restraint in the event of an impact event. |
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You know, [MB], it doesn't really matter. I fly several
thousand kilometres each week, all over land. However,
the bimbos... sorry, flight attendants, always show us
how to use inflatable life vests. |
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They must know it's an absolutely pointless exercise,
given the survival rates for airline crashes but they keep
doing the "mile high mime". |
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" I fly several thousand kilometres each week, all over land." |
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What are your favorite airlines? Which has the prettiest flight attendants? |
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I usually don't bother looking at the flight attendants.
They're all trying so hard to be beautiful and aloof that
you just know they cost more in maintenance than the
aircraft do. |
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// prettiest flight attendants // |
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Interesting sense of priorities ... a more pragmatic view would possibly favour "most skilled and diligent maintainers" or "best trained and most experienced pilots". |
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I base my decision on reported safety record and the
airline's ability to keep their 'planes on schedule. |
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Anyone can contemplate anything at any time. |
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I couldn't possibly contemplate some things, [rcarty]. |
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I thought China Air already had Velcro, but then I realised it was a large group of people sucking their teeth. |
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It's the only airline that I know that turns a blind eye to smoking in the toilet... |
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probably a better way, would be to use the existing
set-up, but with pilot-controlled buckle releases.
There's always some fool who unbuckles as soon as
the attendants have checked and moved on, so
eliminating this would eliminate 1x 200lb sack of
bones flying around the cabin in a crash scenario. |
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Also useful for restraining the unruly... they could be
individually controlled. |
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Returning to the still-unadressed problem of
Velcro failing to hold passengers firmly enough
whilst still allowing them to peel themselves off
the seats... |
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Custard is the obvious answer, as with so many
things in life. |
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We are used to the fact that custard becomes
solid in the face of a sudden impact, but it also
becomes solid in the face of a sudden tension. |
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It is also worth reminding people that vibrating
massage seats are increasingly common. |
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As each passenger is seated, the stewardess
switches on their vibrating seat, and pours a
generous amount of custard down their back. The
custard will insinuate itself between the
passenger's back and the seatback, and will remain
in place thanks to the shear forces imposed by the
vibrations. |
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In the event of sudden cabin motion (eg, a crash),
the custard's firm grip will only be strengthened. |
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After a safe landing, the vibrating seat can be
turned off, and the passenger will be able to
slowly rise from their seat. |
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As a bonus, in the event of a combustive crash,
the rescuers will have hot custard. |
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I think it would be trivial to make an inertia-reel seat
belt using custard. The advantage being that there'd
be plenty to eat in the inevitable desert-island crash
scenario. |
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