h a l f b a k e r yWhy on earth would you want that many gazelles anyway?
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If you're asked by your employer to provide urine for a drug test in order to prove your innocence, there's little you can do other than provide it, or get fired for refusing to do so. A false positive can destroy your future earnings, and you don't have much say about it. There is another way.
To
keep your job you must supply your urine. But, there's no good or legal reason that you have to GIVE it to your employer. Hand them the urine along with an invoice for them to pay you for it. After all, they're paying someone else to test it. If they really want it, they'll pay for it. It's just another business contract. They don't give you anything, you work for everything you get from them.
How much is it worth? Based on the fact that your urine can only be obtained from one source on the entire planet, and that the supply is extremely limited, I figure it's worth at a minimum of at least 3 years salary. It is more rare and in smaller supply than diamonds, rubies, or emeralds isn't it? Some unfortunate souls are asked to have a witness watch you supply it too! I'd charge an entertainment fee also if that was the case. Just the standard rate a unique entertainment would cost would seem appropriate.
Do this and your employer has the choice of accepting your urine and paying for it, or deciding it's not worth the price you're asking for it. Fine. A business deal. You offered, they can choose to accept the deal or not. But they can't fire you for refusing to provide it.
I haven't had to try this, but will if my employer insists that I prove my innocence to them, I will.
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... and fail those tests automatically. [Aristotle, Sep 13 2001, last modified Oct 04 2004]
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Yes, yes. There is quite a lucrative market for beakers of 'clean', drug-free urine. |
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Heh heh, and what if something went wrong and you are congratulated for being pregnant ? Explain that one, feller. Or go to the 'lease-a-baby store', lass. |
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The only problem I have is that I work in a Hospital... |
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Unfortunately, many people sign a contract stating that their employers own everything they produce.
If you are running an alternative money making exercise, then you will almost certainly need your employer's permission. Taking part in one during your contracted working hours (the manufacture and sale of urine) would most certainly be a dismissable offence. In short, if you try to sell your piss to your boss, you'll be fired. |
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Justin, our litigious society in the U.S. has created a false impression that "they can't fire you for...(insert righteous sounding reason here). In fact, in the U.S., any employer is free to fire any employee for any reason except those on a very short list (race, religion, etc., I don't know them all off hand). You can be fired for wearing shoes, you can be fired for scratching your nose, you can be fired because a butterfly in China flaps its wings. In fact, I'm pretty sure that many have already been fired for refusal to submit to a drug test. |
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At that price, they won't look for drugs, they'll look for something interesting, like genes. Are there genes in urine? |
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The price of something is based not just upon supply, but also demand. You may have a broken beer bottle that is unlike any in the world, but unless you can convince the Tate Modern that they should put it on display, you're apt to find that the demand--and hence value--of your broken bottle is basically nil. |
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Your urine may be unique, but why would you expect a prospective employer to pay you for it? If you could convince them that you, yourself, are an asset they should hold in high demand, and if they have to buy your urine to have you, that's well and good. Most likely, however, they would hold in higher demand employees who didn't try to goose their prospective employers. |
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The only possible use I could see for your proposal would be if you were too lazy to work and were trying to collect unemployment checks. In that case, your proposal might be an effective way to "apply" for jobs without being hired. It would be easier, though, just to show up late for the interview late, disheveled, and drunk and ask the secretary whether she's one of the free hookers provided in the benefits package. |
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If an employer demands a urine sample that is unique to one person, I would say the demand sufficiently skyrockets. Jusin Case has a point...it IS all business. The only couter-action I could see to this would be that the employers would then charge you exactly the same price you negotiated for your urine as for the drug test. |
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