Bear Neccessities

Bear hunting is becoming an increasingly popular sport. Bear hunters are willing to pay a lot of money but expect comfortable facilities, and a high probability of successfully killing a large bear. A popular method is for the hunting guides to bait bears with donuts for several weeks in advance of the bear season, at a location not to far from the lodge. As a result of this process, bears become increasingly domesticated and acquire a taste for a reliable source of jelly donuts, which can make them a nuisance bear. They still require several years to increases to their full size potential.

To make full use of this valuable natural resource, and protect the Bears until they reach a ripe old age, it is proposed that these domesticated bears be trained to work in donut shops, serving coffee and donuts to backpackers, forest workers, and hunters. The worker bears can be paid in donuts with the donuts left over at the end of each day, but without the additional transportation cost. The management positions would of course be taken up by the wildlife management officers. They are only bears afterall. The bears would not have to be employed or paid during the winter season, since their hibernation efficiently coincides with less eco-tourism activity in the woods. The bears would receive a full pension in donuts, though it would not have to be for very long. Theses bears would be employed from the age of adolesence right up to the age of obsolesence, at which time they can be retired with full dignity and respect during the Spring or Fall hunting season. A productive gainfully employed bear is a happy bear.