Bald People Solar Energy Balance Theory

"Hmmm.... I forsee that all of these SUV's those humans are creating are going to be pushing the works into the red zone on global warming. What are my options that would cover my tracks, so the faithless don't figure it out? I could turn the sun down a little, but they'd all notice that. Besides, it'd throw off the burnout date, and that messes up my whole schedule. I got it. I'll adjust the bald guy ratio a couple of clicks higher, and the collective shine will raise the planet's reflectivity a fuzz."

"But Father, aren't you're going to have to break into some genetic coding to do that? I know you worked long and hard debugging that, and it still crashes every so often. And what if they all decide to wear hats?"

"Good call, Son. I can probably bump the number up a notch or two in the 3rd worlds where nobody will notice. As far as the hats go, I got that taken care of with the Corinthians head covering passage. Maybe I'll put a call into John Paul to preach on it."

"Let's see... China is always tricky with all those warm bodies and rice patties. Gotta get the number of buddhists right to compensate..."