h a l f b a k e r yPoint of hors d'oevre
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Bagpipe Mine
To discourage the inappropriate* playing of bagpipes | |
As far as I can tell, bagpipes** are some form of sound
weapon, an auditory flamethrower if you will. They are
frequently to be seen at military shows, where they are
deployed in between bursts of gun fire... some form of
early attempt at combined arms I assume.
Anyway, these weapons have
clearly been deployed by
Scottish militant partisans against unsuspecting members
of the public, sometimes in town centers, in an obvious
attempt to extort money. It has to stop.
With the advent of cheap digital signal processing, I
correctly assume it would be easy to automatically detect
the sound of bagpipes. Such a mechanism could be
incorporated into a land mine***. These mines could be
buried both randomly and concentrated in strategic points.
The idea being that the militants would never know if the
particular spot outside Clark's, or a random rocky outcrop
were safe. Within a few seconds of arming the bag thingy
and discharging the weapon.... BOOOM!! a rain of tartan,
blood and splinters.
* there is no appropriate
** and the recorder
*** inhumane, but they started it
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Annotation:
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Title promised a deep shaft into which they could be thrown. |
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//Title promised a deep shaft into which they could
be thrown// |
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No. That would be a deep shaft from which uncut
bagpipes would be hewn from the living rock, this
would be counterproductive. |
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What you thought was: "disused mine in which
bagpipes may be interred" |
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This would be a perfect project for
crowdfunding - we are the crowd, and we will
fund you. |
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Bagpipes as weapons? Yes. And yes, it's Pynchon quote time:
"Without Bag-Pipes at the Van, playing that Musick forbidden to all other Scots to play since 1745, and thereby doubly damn'd,- a-chaunting and a-keening all their loss, failure, hatred, may I say, of England,- frightening village after Village into Submission,- the Brits would never have prevail'd in India ... in their Spoilation of Scotland they had learn'd the Power of that Cry that never Breathes, the direct Appeal to Animal Terror, and converted it to their Uses, leaving Loin-cloths besmear'd all up and down the Tropickal World." |
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You want independance ? Fine, wonderful, go
on then, bugger off, and take your bloody
bagpipes with you. |
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There are barns from East to West just south
of Hadrian's Wall stuffed full of razor wire
and land mines, looking forward to the
glorious day when the border can once more
be secured against the ingress of itinerant
mouth-breathing drunken sponging Jocks. |
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I thought the mining of bagpipes had been
discovered.
I don't know why a lot of people here are becoming
so intolerant of other people's customs. Just sayin' |
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A bagpipe mime would be a different story. (oh yeah,
already taken) |
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// intolerant of other people's customs. // |
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Fine ... bring back witch-burning, pogroms, bear-baiting, cutting the
hearts out if sacrificial victims with an obsidian knife, and morris
dancing. |
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Ok, no morris dancing or accordion playing, just the Wicker Man and
Trial by Ordeal. |
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