h a l f b a k e r yI CAN HAZ CROISSANTZ?
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Astringentade
Burnt out on caffeine? Then jolt yourself awake with *this.* | |
1. Brush your teeth with baking soda toothpaste.
2. Repeat.
3. Find a grapefruit so young it's still green.
4. Halve, and chomp deeply into its weeping surface.
Ah yes, your face collapses down into your mouth like a deflated balloon while your eyebrows accelerate off the back
of your head. Whoo! You awake now, aintcha?
Imagine this in a drink, only stronger. For those who like a bracing start to the day, dislike coffee and coffee-breath, and enjoy the tangy flavor of all-natural nitric acid!
Skeleteen's Counter-cultural sodas
http://www.bevnet.com/reviews/skel/
Who'd of thought this would be baked. Thanks to reensure for the tipoff. [General Washington, Sep 27 2002, last modified Oct 21 2004]
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Annotation:
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wait. I haven't written this yet. premature postulation. |
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Thats alright, i'll wait. |
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I was kicking along such a grapefruit while out walking this morning. Shall I retreive it and send it your way? |
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Thankyou for your patience. We apologise for the delay. Flatmates footling around on the 'send' button. |
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I'm thinking cranberry, unsweetened lemon juice, and concentrated tannin will be necessary ingredients. |
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Does it feel like a mouth full of angry bees? |
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It feels more like your lips have been fed into a vacuum pump and someone is shovelling anhydrous horseradish up your nose. The mouth full of bees is the Jalapeno Cola. |
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The autoboner is very astute. |
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nitric acid? is that poetic licence or have I missed something. |
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don't know about waking you up but it may descale your teeth for you - + for that |
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This is an invention? Looks like a recipe to me. |
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//all-natural nitric acid// |
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I thought it was citric acid. The former may do more than strip the enamel off your teeth.. (don't swallow any glycerine) |
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I've never tried this, nor intend to. I'm sure it might be a wee bit dangerous. |
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Do a search for Skeleteens' ‘Brainwash’ and you'll probably be happy with the results. |
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Suggested category- Public:Punishment. |
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You're mad .... maaaad, do you hear me ? MAAAD ! |
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Anyone heard of the Nette pot? It's a little open ceramic jobbie with a spout...you fill it with saline water and pour it up one nostril till it comes out the other (being careful not to breathe in at the same time)...great cure for blocked sinuses. If you put too much salt in the water tho.....perhaps similar to what I imagine your all-natural nitric acid hit to be like. |
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...[GW] so if repeated doses of grapefruit and bicarbonate of soda were failing to give the necessary kick then... |
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Anything man, anything. I find it takes my brain about an hour to break out of the cacoon of shmeg that builds up around it every night, the overflow dribbling through my eyes and crystallizing on my cheeks... Whatever Gets You Thru The Morning being the key. I could have posted 'Personal Sergeant-Major' I guess... |
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5 words to sum it all up: I'd rather eat battery acid. |
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Those Skeleteen's drinks are awesome. I used to get them at Hot Topic all the time. I never thought that they were too strong, only that they tasted amazing. =^) |
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...Wow. Just wow. Yeah, that'd wake somebody up in the morning without caffeine, alright. I'm giving it a bun. Why? Because think of the PRACTICAL JOKES!
(New to halfbakery, say hi!) |
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Scimoc esroh krad! [Ranzer] |
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//Smoke dynamite// A Nobel suggestion. |
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<picky> Grapefruit is not especially astringent, but is both sour and bitter. |
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There's a cultivar of lemon with almost no acid. Great for munching in front of brass bands. |
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I'd recommend hitting the bicarb again after the grapefruit, to reduce tooth damage. Don't brush, as the enamel will be soft, just swill some bicarb and water around in your mouth to neutralise the acidity. |
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