Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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This would work fine, except in terms of success.

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Ass Ratchet

 For really tight screws, use your butt
  (+11)(+11)
(+11) 		  [vote for,
against]

If you have ever replaced a board on a backyard deck, you may have experienced the frustration of trying to extract a stubborn Phillips-head screw. A screw that’s really stuck in there not only takes a lot of torque to make it turn, but also requires a great deal of downward pressure to keep the tip of your screwdriver from slipping in the screw head.

A power screwdriver might help with the torque issue, but not so much with the required downward force. In fact, it might even compound the problem by stripping the head.

In a situation like this, you should apply the power of your posterior with an ass ratchet. An ass ratchet looks like a screwdriver with a seat on top, and a lever sticking out the side. You plant the tip in the obstinate screw, sit on the seat, and give the lever a counter-clockwise shove.

With up to 1000 newtons of downward force (depending on how fat you are) there’s no slipping, and when faced with a whopping 50 Nm of torque that screw has no choice but to turn.

—AO, Sep 19 2003

(?) Here is what you need http://www.toolsfor...act-screwdriver.htm
Also helps if you grind the tip off the tool bit. [kbecker, Oct 04 2004]

(?) Nah, THIS is what you need! http://www.halfbake...dea/Brass_20Ratchet
A more half-baked solution. [egbert, Oct 04 2004]

This is how we got here... BrazeDriver
[normzone, Apr 22 2009]

[link]






       // give the lever a clockwise shove //
Shove counter-clockwise, or you’re screwed.		   

       I like it, as long as you can borrow someone else’s fat butt for the seat. You should keep an eye on the screw.
—Amos Kito, Sep 19 2003
   

       Correction made. My prototype was made for left-hand thread screws for some strange reason.
—AO, Sep 19 2003
   

       does this remind anyone else of pole pants?
—yamahito, Sep 19 2003
   

       Do I want to know what pole pants are?
—AO, Sep 19 2003
   

       No
—yamahito, Sep 19 2003
   

       is it legal? can small children watch?
—python, Sep 19 2003
   

       I haven't laughed this hard since ... earlier today! I'd buy one for the man in my life, just to watch him work. +
—k_sra, Sep 19 2003
   

       Can be used in a pinch for extra seating on your deck ... just get some extra "stubborn Phillips-head screws"   

       Finally, work, AND a hobby combined into ONE! -- my boss would LOVE this
—Letsbuildafort, Sep 19 2003
   

       I like this idea because people in the future will be confused and never work out what it was. The owners manual would be interesting also.
—BritUSA, Sep 19 2003
   

       After we've evolved past the need for asses?
—Worldgineer, Sep 19 2003
   

       I was sure this was a way to deal with "talking out your ass." "Ratchet up your ass-talking with the ass ratchet." I'm a bit disappointed, but have an half-ass (bun) for the title.
—oxen crossing, Sep 19 2003
   

       Just teach them to spin the other way. If you're lucky then tomorrow when you come home there will be a deck where there used to be a pile of lumber.
—Worldgineer, Sep 20 2003
   

       //to deal with the torque issue, instead of a groove in the saddle put on a wedge// Or one could have a large screw in the middle of the saddle pointing up. To be sure that screw doesn't proceed higher, the operator would surely clinch the butt in an iron grip.
—FarmerJohn, Sep 20 2003
   

       Croissant.   

       However (sorry) in my experience the only thing more frustrating than a Philips head that won't turn is one where the head gives way and the screwdriver leaves a neat countersink where there used to be a cruciform.   

       Now, I'm not saying this would happen here, but I think the possibility should be considered...
—egbert, Sep 20 2003
   

       For the lazier among us, the power-assisted ass ratchet. The leisure-related potential may just be too high.   

       egbert, I hear ya. I was there the other day trying to remove the handle from a very, very expensive item of furniture.
—DRstrathmore, Sep 20 2003
   

       How would this work for horizontal screws?
—squoink, Sep 20 2003
   

       likely a belly ratchet, [squoink]
—lintkeeper2, Sep 20 2003
   

       You'll either want a clear seat, or a crotch-mounted mirror so that you can observe the screwdriver, and sit the tip correctly.   

       A few side-props to ensure sitting stabilty may also be necessary.
—ye_river_xiv, Apr 06 2007
   

       (marked-for-tagline)   

       "the power of your posterior"
—normzone, Apr 22 2009
   

       You seem to be forgetting that if you put to much pressure on the head of the screw it will simply snap off at the crown. It has to screw out against the force of the driver and if that force is too great then the torque will simply snap the head off the screw instead.
—WcW, Apr 22 2009
   
      
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