h a l f b a k e r yClearly this is a metaphor for something.
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If you have ever replaced a board on a backyard deck, you may have experienced the frustration of trying to extract a stubborn Phillips-head screw. A screw thats really stuck in there not only takes a lot of torque to make it turn, but also requires a great deal of downward pressure to keep the tip
of your screwdriver from slipping in the screw head.
A power screwdriver might help with the torque issue, but not so much with the required downward force. In fact, it might even compound the problem by stripping the head.
In a situation like this, you should apply the power of your posterior with an ass ratchet. An ass ratchet looks like a screwdriver with a seat on top, and a lever sticking out the side. You plant the tip in the obstinate screw, sit on the seat, and give the lever a counter-clockwise shove.
With up to 1000 newtons of downward force (depending on how fat you are) theres no slipping, and when faced with a whopping 50 Nm of torque that screw has no choice but to turn.
(?) Here is what you need
http://www.toolsfor...act-screwdriver.htm Also helps if you grind the tip off the tool bit. [kbecker, Oct 04 2004]
(?) Nah, THIS is what you need!
http://www.halfbake...dea/Brass_20Ratchet A more half-baked solution. [egbert, Oct 04 2004]
This is how we got here...
BrazeDriver [normzone, Apr 22 2009]
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// give the lever a clockwise shove
//
Shove counter-clockwise, or youre screwed. |
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I like it, as long as you can borrow someone elses fat butt for the seat. You should keep an eye on the screw. |
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Correction made. My prototype was made for left-hand thread screws for some strange reason. |
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does this remind anyone else of pole pants? |
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Do I want to know what pole pants are? |
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is it legal? can small children watch? |
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I haven't laughed this hard since ... earlier today! I'd buy one for the man in my life, just to watch him work. + |
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Can be used in a pinch for extra seating on your deck ... just get some extra "stubborn Phillips-head screws" |
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Finally, work, AND a hobby combined into ONE! -- my boss would LOVE this |
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I like this idea because people in the future will be confused and never work out what it was. The owners manual would be interesting also. |
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After we've evolved past the need for asses? |
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I was sure this was a way to deal with "talking out your
ass." "Ratchet up your ass-talking with the ass ratchet."
I'm a bit disappointed, but have an half-ass (bun) for the
title. |
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Just teach them to spin the other way. If you're lucky then tomorrow when you come home there will be a deck where there used to be a pile of lumber. |
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//to deal with the torque issue, instead of a groove in the saddle put on a wedge// Or one could have a large screw in the middle of the saddle pointing up. To be sure that screw doesn't proceed higher, the operator would surely clinch the butt in an iron grip. |
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However (sorry) in my experience the only thing more frustrating than a Philips head that won't turn is one where the head gives way and the screwdriver leaves a neat countersink where there used to be a cruciform. |
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Now, I'm not saying this would happen here, but I think the possibility should be considered... |
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For the lazier among us, the power-assisted ass ratchet. The leisure-related potential may just be too high. |
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egbert, I hear ya. I was there the other day trying to remove the handle from a very, very expensive item of furniture. |
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How would this work for horizontal screws? |
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likely a belly ratchet, [squoink] |
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You'll either want a clear seat, or a crotch-mounted mirror so that you can observe the screwdriver, and sit the tip correctly. |
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A few side-props to ensure sitting stabilty may also be necessary. |
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"the power of your posterior" |
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You seem to be forgetting that if you put to much pressure on the head of the screw it will simply snap off at the crown. It has to screw out against the force of the driver and if that force is too great then the torque will simply snap the head off the screw instead. |
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