Ask Marbas

"Marbas is described as the Great President of Hell governing thirty-six legions of demons. He answers truly on hidden or secret things, causes and heals diseases, gives wisdom and knowledge in mechanical arts, and can change men into other shapes."

Instead of Asking Siri or Alexa you can now sign up to Ask A Demon - in this case it's Marbas who answers.

Naturally your demon will only provide answers to demonic questions, so there's no point inquiring as to the best way to get to the nearest fish and chip shop if you happen to be in an unfamiliar town. However, your demon will provide reliable and totally discrete answers to dastardly questions such as: "how do I make sure my neighbour's constantly barking dog throws up bright green boke, (that's so acidic) it eats a hole in their new recently laid carpet"?

Some warnings are offered in addition to the responses to certain questions, but they are nevertheless all answered - for example - 'Marbas wants you to know that if you do "this", the wheel will definitely come off as soon as the car reaches exactly 58mph" - naturally followed by demonic laughter.

Signing up to Marbas is by invitation only, but you can join directly by performing a convincing act of self-mortification (reading a copy of SPARE by Harry-The-Badly-Done-By backwards will do) and sending a video to PO Box 666 Alistair Crowley Mews, Londonium, Ingerland