Apartmoat

Virtucom originally earned it's wings by creating a long line of lock and door inventions available at discount to halfbakers. Unfortunately, our focus group has informed us that locks and doors really are no deterrent when compared to a moat.

Sadly, large portions of the population are unable to incorporate a moat into their everyday routine because they live in apartments.

Fear not, the apartmoat is here!*

This specially designed trough is constructed from high- strength 1/4 inch annodized stainless steel, and attaches to the hallway walls of your apartment using a high strength cyanoacrylate glue that cannot be easily removed by annoying land lords. Some modification of the existing structure is necessary in order to install a float valve and water source in a safe location.

For those evil scientists still living in apartments, we are prepared to coordinate our efforts with the makers of the "hungry hungry hippos" game in order to place many snapping mouths of vicious animals here and there in the trough.

Depending on your location, specially bred jumping pirhanas can also be used in the moat, although significant modification of the existing structure will be necessary in order to install a pirhana source in a safe location, as most will be unable to jump back into the moat once they have attacked.

Afraid your new 3 inch wide moat will not provide sufficient protection to your apartment? not to worry! Our patented motion sensing technology allows the patented kerosene injector and igniter** to operate flawlessly whenever a hostile presence is detected in the vicinity of your doorway.

* Drawbridge sold separately.

** Manufacturer is not responsible for damage or injury resulting from use of this product. Virtucom recommends purchasing our patented asbestos wallpaper and cieling tiles. We also recommend purchasing fire insurance policies before using this product.