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Anticipation Retention Ears

 Lalala Not listnin', not listnin!
 
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Saves me (and you) from having virgin films etc.(as in "not yet seen", whew!) ruined by people/television/radio telling you all the best bits first.

A pair of fake elven ears with embedded wordspotting technology [see link] which recognises words such as Lord, Rings, Frodo, Gandalf etc. and upon recognising said words, plays loud music of my/your choice for 20 seconds or so, giving me/you time to make my/your escape. The default setting is a loud voice singing "Lalalalalalalala Can't heeear youuu".

For added defensive efficiency, close your eyes when the music/singing starts.

Obviously programmable for other events such as football results when you only get to watch the re-run later and don't want to know the score beforehand.

Can also be used as an idiosyncratic personal radio.

—squeak, Dec 17 2003

(?) Wordspotting technology http://www.sensoryi...company/pr00_8.html
[squeak, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]

Frodo-copier ? http://www.halfbake...om/idea/Frodocopier
(quells screams of blue mordor) [neilp, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]

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       noooo, not again, the curse is upon us, how very elfish of you [squeak]
—neilp, Dec 17 2003
   

       Thats *elVish*, thank you [neilp]. Harhar [tsuka].
—squeak, Dec 17 2003
   

       Please no "my (s)elf" type in-jokey things.What have I done.   

       Ahh, [neilp].You mean "selfish"?!
—squeak, Dec 17 2003
   

       This is an excellent idea that addresses a real problem for me. When I go shopping on a Saturday I have to send my wife into each shop in advance to make sure their radio isn't playing a station which I know will carry the football scores. The problem is in the oblique references which always give stuff away - such as when Ant & Dec (known fans of Newcastle Utd) make a joke about suicide on Pop Idol and you immediately know the Geordies took a pasting. I doubt that the word spotting system would be accurate or quick enough to handle that. In fact I'd have to live my life viewing the world through a 2-second delay loop to give my A.R. Ears time to process the sensory input and mask it for me.
A further problem - and possibly the worst case of giving away the scores - is when I tune in to ITV's "The Premiership" highlights show on a Saturday night. They show their first game then, as the players are walking off the pitch, you can often hear the announcer in the stadium reading out the other results loud and clear - doh! The A.R. Ears would have had to have been disabled at this point (otherwise I would be missing the highlights which are of course replete with trigger-words!) and hence it would not help me here. Bun.
—dobtabulous, Dec 17 2003
   

       cotton wool, dob. cotton wool!   

       I heard this morning that the Pope supports Liverpool FC - aint life strange?
—po, Dec 17 2003
   

       I imagined Southampton FC :)
—po, Dec 17 2003
   

       Yeah, me too [po], although I understand he's quite keen on biscuits so Reading may be in with a shout.
—PeterSilly, Dec 17 2003
   

       It might take some papal intervention to raise Liverpool's season from the dead!
—dobtabulous, Dec 17 2003
   

       Isn't the pope Hungarian? Why do he not support Hungarian team, then instead of evil scousers?
—squeak, Dec 17 2003
   

       the pope is polish, so his first choice team is probably Gdansk FC, but he'll keep a sly eye on the Liverpool results.   

       When he visited Liverpool a good few years ago he told the Archbish there that he supported Liverpool and asked the Archbish who he supported. Bish replied that he had to stay away from supporting either side as he would offend half the congregation once his allegiance was known.   

       Anyhows.... that has nothing to do with ears, I think.
—jonthegeologist, Dec 17 2003
   

       Quite (apart from not hearing the football scores before you watch the game).   

       What do you think of my lovely idea then, [jonthegeologist]?
—squeak, Dec 17 2003
   

       [squeak] sorry, yea, back to the point. I like it. Personally, I think that LotR is a tedious waste of time - I've only seen film one, hated every teeth-pulling minute of it and vowed not to waste another minute on any of the others.   

       If these spesh ears could be activated whenever someone wished to eulagise about the Tolkein-Jackson trilogy, I'd be delighted. Unfortunately, if they looked even a tad elvish, someone is bound to come along and make a point of talking to me about it.   

       Betcha sorry you asked [squeak].   

       I like the concept if not the application. Different false ears required!
—jonthegeologist, Dec 17 2003
   

       apparently the pope is an ex-goalkeeper; you couldn't make this stuff up could you?
—po, Dec 17 2003
   

       [po] its not beyond me.
—jonthegeologist, Dec 17 2003
   

       //Betcha sorry you asked //   

       Not at all. You are perfectly entitled to your opinion and I can take constructive criticism.
<lip trembling> ...		   

       Please note <pointing upwards>, I did include alternative settings for other applications (this is just the one which is bothering me at the moment). And it would be as easy to make any given shape of ear covers as it would be to make pointy ones.
Elephant ears, tomatoes, feet, no-entry signs, Hello Kitty faces....and so on...
—squeak, Dec 17 2003
   

       [squeak] never any offense meant. Elfish ears not preferred by this baker, but possibly some ipod earphone looking system would work best for me.
—jonthegeologist, Dec 17 2003
   

       //apparently the pope is an ex-goalkeeper; you couldn't make this stuff up could you?//   

       So was Albert Camus [po] so it wasn't a God given talent. I wonder if they ever played together?
—gnomethang, Dec 17 2003
   

       [blissy] Yeah! A special Elvis version. It could play "Suspicious Minds" or "Don't Be Cruel". It could be made to look like an enormous pair of sideburns.
—squeak, Dec 18 2003
   

       I'm sure the Pope supports Watford FC really.   

       [jtg] is entirely unimpressed with LOTR and so I have taken to spending much of our time together talking about how lovely Aragorn is.   

       As for the idea - I say yes and offer some elven Lambas croissant. Reminds me of that episode of the Likely Lads where they went through the whole day trying not to find out the football score before watching the replay and failed at the last minute with hilarious consequences. Or something.
—hazel, Dec 18 2003
   

       Happy Or Something Day everyone! I would use mine to tune out cheeky girls. And politics. And Barbie easy-bake unicorns. And the song, "Let It Snow." +
—k_sra, Dec 18 2003
   

       Sleighbells ring, are you listening [k_sra]?   

       See - it's not that easy to block every route is it?
—dobtabulous, Dec 18 2003
   

       Oh, is that the one? That's not so bad ...
—k_sra, Dec 18 2003
   

       //fake elven ears with embedded wordspotting technology//
Don't wear them to the movie.		   

       I was hoping these were robotic ears that perk up, and shift forward, to show one's anticipation and interest in a conversation. But this is good, too.
—Amos Kito, Dec 18 2003
   


 

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