h a l f b a k e r yIf ever there was a time we needed a bowlologist, it's now.
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Public bathrooms are gross. No matter how much the store, gas station, restaurant, etc. trys to clean them, they're always gonna be gross. We have to do something about this. I've got an idea. Anti-gravity bathrooms. You enter the bathroom through an airlock. Once you're in there, there's no gravity
and you can move wherever you like. Then you do your business and it floats around. Try to steer clear of it as you go to a second airlock on the other side of the room. You open that door, and you're in another chamber, although this one's not anti-gravity. The waste in the previous room has been sucked by vaccuum out of the chamber. This room has a hole in the top of it, from which water comes out, and a drain in the bottom where it leaves. You quickly wash your hands and whatever other parts of your body need washing, and proceed to another door on the other side of the room. You may also shout or clap your hands loudly and a length of toilet paper comes out of a slot in the wall. This leads to a third chamber where you are hit by a gentle blast of warm air which dries you off. You may also shout or clap your hands loudly and a length of paper towel comes out of a slot in the wall. You may then walk out of the bathroom through the next door. You're then in a small enclosed chamber where you may pull up your pants if you wish and exit the bathroom. You haven't touched anything, so you're germ free. I think this would raise public bathroom hygeine extensively and would attract more customers to use your spiffy bathroom, and upon doing so, be tempted by the merchandise in your store.
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//where you may pull up your pants if you wish //
well this is amusing in itself or is it the way my brain is wired or something? |
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And before you do your business, you may pull down your pants if you wish, but you may be pulling up your pants since you may be floating upside down. |
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I take it the primary means of locomotion out of the room is to utilize 'thrrrrust,' since you can't touch anything. |
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Problem is, public bathrooms only exist in science fiction. Oh, and in certain "collider rings" somewhere in Switzerland. |
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Well, maybe, but the owner of the Texaco station doubts it would be cost-effective, what with needing two of the things, one per gender. |
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hey, if it is anti-gravity, then all the pees and wastes will be floating everywhere!! Are u sure u want that to happen? |
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Why no gravity should mean no touching anywhere? Depending on the velocity and the mass of the excreement you'll be thrown at a constant speed to the any of the surfaces of this gigantic closet... |
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Well we also need an ever-expanding space i think we solved the cleanliness problem and it is more baked now :) |
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Argh. How many, O Lord, how many bathroom ideas must we peruse? (Note to self: no one is *forcing* you to read this, eh?) |
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Centrifuge bathroom: user's head is clamped to a centerpost. User is then whirled at great speed until all emptiable fluids and solids have been centrifuged from his or her body and onto the walls. (Note to self: remind users to disrobe before entering the bathroom or their shoes, socks, pants, etc will join their waste upon said walls.) A cleansing flush of Lemony-Fresh Antiseptic washes down the walls as the user is gently lowered to the floor of the chamber. Sterile implements are proffered in case user's lower colon has been centrifuged right out user's posterior and needs to be tucked back into place. (Note to self: a dramamine dispenser would be a real moneymaker here...) Dizzy user is then guided to the exit by compassionate robotic hands, and reminded gently how much better the Centrifugal Toilet is than the filthy two-hole crapper out behind the pool hall used to be. You don't even have to bring your own quicklime. (Note to self: why have you been reduced to ringing idiotic changes on other people's ideas of late? Get thinking!) |
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out, out, damned mental image! |
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//Once you're in there, there's no gravity// |
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Question: How are you going to turn the gravity off? |
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Peeing in circles, hey, now that sounds sorta fun. You could impersonate a lawn sprinkler. Cheh-keh-cheh-keh-cheh-keh-cheh-keh-cheh...... thkthkthkthkthkthkthk |
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Ed, something about that blood rushing from my head to my feet phenomenon doesn't appeal to me. Although I would like to be taller. Perhaps instead, we need a 'Holy Sh*t' bathroom, designed to scare it out of you. One benefit: kids would learn to hold it longer. |
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stu, well, you would use abihi's spinning ceiling fan technology... |
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I think the key thing here for this idea would be to add a wind tunnel, or simply replace the anti-g room with the wind tunnel. You enter the tunnel through a door on its side, grip the handrail in the middle, and hit the 'on' button. A 500-kph wind takes care of everything for you--clothing removed, excretions inspired and carried away, shoes, toupee, merkin--no need to do anything but hang on. A timer shuts it off, and you step across to the door on the opposite side. A conveyor belt returns the residue of your clothing and other accessories via conveyor belt from the far end. Try not to open your mouth into the onrushing wind during operation as the resulting nutation of your head (a back-and-forth motion caused by the periodic shedding of air vortices from the surface of your head in the air flow) could cause you to lose those piano lessons and might impair your ability to sort out and doff the residue of your acoutrements on the conveyor belt. |
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eeeeeew no!! what about disabled bathrooms?? people in wheelchairs might have a bit of trouble with this thing. |
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...and just HOW long does it take to have a piss in the bathroom? |
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Wow, there's a mental image I just can't shake. Peeing sideways and spinning around, with a nice spiral arc of urine making it's way to the walls. Normally I'd bone this for either wibni or bad-physics, but instead, I'll bun it for the great laugh I just had. |
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YESSSSSS!!!, I've always wanted to float in crap and piss |
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this is so funny and awful it's worth a bun. |
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Wow. That was a blast from the past. |
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In our new building, the urinals are lllloooowwww to meet some new handicapped standard. I'll consider it training for the AGPB. |
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You can't mix fact and emotion together, it doesn't work, you'll get a dream every time. |
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Bone, [-], <**puke** --and then spin>! |
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