h a l f b a k e r yExperiencing technical difficulties since 1999
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Having spotted a market opportunity based on exploiting the anxieties of an group of credulous, easily-panicked and underinformed morons (i.e most of the population) BorgCo are rushing a new product into volume production without proper safety testing, or indeed any real testing at all (other than saying
"Bugger it, seems to work, it'll do"*)
It's our "Anti-Coronavirus Coronet". Resembling a Royal crown (but actually made from genuine gold-ish coloured simulated plastic-effect type material) the tips of the sticky-up bits contain tiny yet effective** atomizer nozzles fed via a thin, flexible pipe from a very quiet yet powerful battery-driven pump attached to the discreet*** 12 litre backpack tank.
Thus the wearer is constantly surrounded by an almost invisible**** cloud of high-potency biocide, ensuring an acceptable***** degree of protection from all sorts of infectious pathogens.
*Standard Operating Procedure for all consumer products.
** ish
*** "Quasimodo" costume available for a small extra charge; discounted if purchased along with the equipment.
**** Total invisibility may actually mean that the thing isn't working - the tank empty, the battery flat, or the nozzles blocked. A sophisticated biometric system indicates that a failure has occurred (the user becomes ill, and possibly dies). Please refer to the terms and conditions of sale, particularly the disclaimers. Especially the disclaimers ...
***** to the vendor.
Piranha Solution
https://en.wikipedi...ki/Piranha_solution
[bs0u0155, Mar 05 2020]
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A better solution, shirley, would be for everyone to wear
rubber-soled shoes and extremely powerful electrostatic
generators. As long as we all agree on a polarity, any droplets
produced by sneezing would simply avoid other people. |
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That would be incredibly dangerous and ill advised. Fires would be started; pacemaker wearers would drop dead; volatile organics would be triggered into fuel-air explosions; cats would be irremovably attached to balloons .... |
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<Goes to rummage in cupboard for Van de Graaf machine/> |
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// Thus the wearer is constantly surrounded by an almost invisible****
cloud of high-potency biocide, ensuring an acceptable***** degree of
protection from all sorts of infectious pathogens. // |
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I just think, maybe we could do as well with a tube directly from
backpack to face-mask, and UV light inside the tube or backpack. I
remember, in childhood they used disinfect our lungs with ionized air
like that. |
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However, if the battery is out, we're out luck indeed. OR. We could
have a radioisotope to do the job of ionizing it? |
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// in childhood they used disinfect our lungs with ionized air like that // |
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Were there (m)any survivors ... ? |
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I stand the witness. Well, in my memory, there were apparatuses, with
multiple 1 inch diameter tubes sticking out, with blue light, and multiple
kids would go through that. What a weird thing, and it must have been
somewhere just before the Soviet Union collapse, in Lithuania. |
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Were the "people" doing the "treatment" in sliver suits ? Did they have huge, black, pupil-less eyes and very long fingers ? Was there a huge silver disk in the sky, and a very bright light at any point ? |
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There are quite a few people in the USA who claim to have had very similar experiences, and they can't even spell "Litheenya", let alone claim to have been there ... |
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Instead of a continuous spray of
(highly flammable) pure alcohol droplets, consider a
continuous spray of beer with a bit of lime juice. |
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<Considers a continuous spray of beer with a bit of lime juice./> |
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We think not; it will rapidly become unpleasanty sticky and malodorous, and the user will be misidentified as french. |
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We weren't considering pure alcohol either - something with chlorine or bromine, maybe some phenol derivatives, really aggressive, toxic, persistent stuff. Paradichlorobenzene is good... |
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// stick to homeopathic compounds // |
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We did explain about the stickiness thing ... not good. |
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// believes anything less than overkill means you really weren't trying // |
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"believes" ? <Hard stare/> |
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We *know* that it's the only way. |
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// actually killing your customer base is bad for repeat business. // |
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It worked well for Yokosuka, for a while ... |
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// Much better to fill the tanks with distilled water, claiming effectiveness because it was expensively processed with* some therapeutic compounds. // |
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That part we like, altho the "distilled" part might affect the bottom line; the idea is to make ludicrously enormous exploitative profits for the absolute minimum of outlay and effort. Plain water from the nearest watercourse is perfectly adequate; choose a point downstream of an industrial effluent outfall and you might get some actual chemicals included for free. |
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We have a special offer on Assimilation this month, are you interested ? We wish to add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. Also, the existing Marketing module self-destructed recently and needs to be replaced.... |
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Alcohol, I've read somewhere, is capable of attacking the virus. |
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"gold-ish", I greatly prefer "gold-like". Thank you for asking. |
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Can I recommend HTP for the biocidal liquid? Shirley it
would be simpler to just re-purpose some rocket packs
that are bound to by lying about somewhere? I say this
because even 5% H2O2 is a pretty solid disinfection agent,
at least according to the CDC summary I just read. Some
people have even gone as far as engaging their brain and
included a touch of phosphoric acid, which dramatically
enhances the reactivity of H2O2. |
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They could have done far better of course. 30% H2O2 and
conc. H2SO4, or "Piranha solution" <link> is just great at
absolutely definitely making sure no biological material
remains. |
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//I remember, in childhood they used disinfect our lungs
with ionized air like that.// |
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Blimey. Relatively harmless I'd imagine, the line gets
crossed when increased Voltage means Ozone rather than
regular old -ve ions of O2/N2. |
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Maintaining a net positive air pressure in your
immediate radius could do the trick. I see a wearable
motorized air pump with a filter input. |
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For a comparatively small increase in price, we'll sell you a version made with unreactive/inert components that will allow you to use a range of biocidal agents of your choosing, although if you try ClF3 don't come running back to complain. Actually, that's not really much of a risk. |
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// I greatly prefer "gold-like". // |
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No problem. There will be a relatively small additional charge for the upgrade. |
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//Piranha solution// Needs more hydrofluoric acid. |
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