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All-in-one Monster Repellant

 Now only $29.95
  (+3)
(+3) 		  [vote for,
against]

This handy-dandy spray aerosol can, similar in use to a can of Mace, contains all the ingredients necessary for fighting off hordes of B-movie monster villains.
Ingredients:

Ground Holy Bible (demons)
Holy water (vampires)
Running water (vampires again - tapwater might work)
Salt (zombies)
Silver nitrate (werewolves)
Powdered cursed Aztec currency (pirate ghosts - apparently)
Insect Spray (giant insects of all kinds)
Liquid nitrogen (the Blob: keep refrigerated)
Weedkiller (various vegetable baddies)
Gasoline (Frankenstein's Monster - just add fire)
etc.
—duckduckgoose, May 27 2004

You could sell them on Ebay. http://www.usatoday...10-31-vampire_x.htm
You might want to up the price though. [2 fries shy of a happy meal, Oct 04 2004]

[link]






       I'll take a six pack. I'm currently having a problem with neighbors' cats. Bill me.
—jurist, May 27 2004
   

       Awesome! I want one! All those pesky monsters could be gone forever. Does it work on idiotic neighbours partying at 3am? If so, send me a crateful!
—Vardaannawen, May 27 2004
   

       am a bit worried that the ingredients are so weakened that they would not work on any of them...
—po, May 27 2004
   

       Pedantry Monster here: didn't the Aztec currency actually attract the ghostly pirates of the caribbean? I'm skeptical about how much field testing you actually put this through before you decided to market it. You're leaving yourself way open to liability lawsuits here.
—spacemoggy, May 27 2004
   

       Shredded Tax Returns to ward off "Monsters of rock" and chips of 'stingers' to counteract Monster Trucks.
—dobtabulous, May 27 2004
   

       [spacemoggy] - not really. Clearly this spray will repel lawyers.
—Detly, May 27 2004
   

       For many years I was plagued by monsters. I tried everything on the market--I’d get rid of vampires, and then I’d have werewolves again. A year ago, I discovered the All-in-One brand monster repellant. I’ve been using it religiously around the house, and I haven’t been scared once, my neck is free of punctures, and no giant ants have eaten up the children. Thank you again, All-in-One.
—ldischler, May 27 2004
   

       Bad science: liquid nitrogen is going to put paid to spraying most of the other ingredients. However, aerosols often have a freezing effect (due to the expansion of the gas), and you could use that against the Blob.   

       And you wouldn't want to include that cursed Aztec money - it was possession of it that was causing those pirates their problem in the first place.   

       But apart from that, yeah, a must-have for all plucky B-movie heroines.
—DrCurry, May 27 2004
   

       Can you put in some of that stuff in glow sticks? It may help reduce monster populations under beds and in closets.
—Salted Nuts, May 28 2004
   
      
[annotate]
   


 

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