Add Um Bongo To The Congo

1. Go to the Altai Mountain and add Um Bongo to the confluence of the Lualaba and Luvua tributaries to the Congo, thereby guaranteeing that traces of Um Bongo are found throughout the course of the River Congo.

2. Take small amounts of Congo river water, boil it for a bit and include it as an ingredient of Um Bongo. Establish intellectual property so that only Um Bongo has this in it.

Also:

3. Distribute free Um Bongo in the Congo.

4. Rename the River Congo "Um Bongo". While you're at it, change their national anthem to the advertising jingle.

5. In return for the above favour, presumably achieved by backhanders to a government I perhaps unfairly believe is corrupt, turn Sumol + Compal into a non-profit which hands over all its profit to the Congo, just because (possibly to compensate for the racism of the advertising).

The result is that they definitely will drink Um Bongo in the Congo because anyone who drinks the river water there will inevitably be drinking a few molecules of Um Bongo. Also, anyone who drinks Um Bongo will be drinking a small quantity of water from the River Congo, and given that the company is bunging loads of Um Bongo at the Congo, they very probably will end up drinking it in the Congo.

Also, market unpasteurised Um Bongo as a diet drink, since it would probably end up giving everyone dysentery and parasites.