h a l f b a k e r y"More like a cross between an onion, a golf ball, and a roman multi-tiered arched aquaduct."
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It happens every friday. That surefire-blockbuster-megahit you've been waiting to see for months has finally hit theaters, and you want first dibs. Unfortunately, so did everyone else in the area and they had faster cars.
That's where A-1 Bum Rental comes in.
For 89 cents in spare
change, down-on-his-luck Walter "Stabbin' Hobo" Jones will sleep in line at the theater, thereby reserving your spot for tickets. For the price of an additional ticket and possibly some gin, he will also sit in whatever seat you choose, simultaneously reeking of urine and fending off those annoying "I can't sit and watch a movie because I'd rather talk loudly about my predictions of what will happen in the plotline" people.
[link]
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Actually I didn't intend it as a rant...but I guess it appears as one. I was just thinking about bums because of bumfights.com. |
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//those annoying "I can't sit and watch a movie because I'd rather talk loudly about my predictions of what will happen in the plotline" people// or use one of these. they come more expensive though. |
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How much liquor do you gotta buy him to piss on the guy talking on his cell phone? |
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Bliss: Howard Stern promotes Bumfights.com... |
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Bums drinking gin? How rarified. Does Mister Jones wear spats and a top hat too? |
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Blissmiss if bumfights.com is what I think it is it is homeless people being paid money to hit each other senseless..... |
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Baked. I do this. And yes Calum, I wear spats, a trilby and the flex from a kettle to hold up my slacks. And my price is 25 cents/15p/25Euro. |
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A-1 Bum Rentals customers would be required to sign a disclaimer before enlisting the services of former chief executive of WorldCom, Bernie Ebbers |
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Slip your bum a skateboard and you've got VaVaVoom Vagrants-- doing the dirty work for mere pocket pence! |
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You'll find this baked in just about any situation where distribution is on a first-come-first-serve basis rather than simply supply-and-demand, since the relative values of time and money are dependent on the amounts you currently possess. For instance, my professors used to hire students to sit in line for Shakespeare in the Park tickets. |
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This system used to used in Russia were queues were quite common for most things but the queuers were professionals rather than bums. |
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However using homeless people makes this idea original enough in my book. Prehaps the service could be called "The Big Queue" ... |
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Jinbish, why are you so expensive in Europe? I'm sure there are EU competition laws that could crack you. perhaps you meant 25 (euro) cents? |
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Aristotle: I don't see why the queue would be any bigger than normal. hence, the "big-ish queue" (groan) |
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Damn [sappho] you beat me to an exploration of arbitrage
opportunities in [Jinbish]'s bum tarrif. |
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For Disney-esque theme parks, good this would be. Especially if I could dress him up like a pirate. Stubble beard included at no charge. |
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[sappho] - I'm so expensive in Europe because of a language barrier. While being fluent in English and its expletives, I (ashamedly) speak very little French and know nothing of other european languages. |
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Either that or I really wasn't thinking and missed out a decimal point - what you expect from a self proclaimed hobo? |
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Why would any proper Englishwoman rent out her 'Bum'? When asked why and when she chose to be a 'Strumppet', The woman replyed; "Why, I was lounging around one day and it suddenly occured to me that I was sitting on a fortune" |
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