h a l f b a k e r yOn the one hand, true. On the other hand, bollocks.
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An odd number of guests at your Christmas party can spell disaster. Be prepared with some triple-pronged Christmas crackers to prevent anyone feeling left out when it comes to "pairing" up.
...and what about 1-way Christmas crackers... I can't figure out how they'd work though. Maybe like a tube
with explosives running through the middle that goes off at the right time somehow.
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If you cross arms and link up in a circle it does'nt matter how many of you there are, but the novelty value of the 3-way certainly does appeal and would bring back some religion to xmas - "NEW! TRINITY CRACKERS - for the Father, the Son and the Holy Coast Guard" |
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What's a Christmas cracker? |
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I thought at first of some special English wafer (undoubtedly bland) that traditionally is split two ways at yule tide, paired guests happily munching. Then I read of expolsions and tubes and such, and I rattled my head. Crackers that explode in tubes? Hmmmm...... |
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If letting go an Xmas salute would involve lighting a fuse, while an Xmas cracker requires only pulling one hand? Did the infintada already figure this one out? |
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Armed with the knowledge of the nature of this delightful British holiday spasm, I am now able, being a United Stateser myself, to offer some assistance regarding the proposal for the one-way "cracker". On our illustrious "fourth of July" holiday -- on the which we celebrate our eminent victory over the dastardly King George and established for all time American superiority (ahem) -- as well as on the eve of the new year, of which holiday I am certain you Brits also partake, we express glee and merriment with a device known to my heritage as a "Party Popper." It is similar in function to your Christmas cracker (and for all I know widely available and enjoyed by you as well -- in which case shut my mouth), however it is operated by a single celebrant. A string, protruding from one (otherwise closed) end of the tube, is pulled with celebratory gusto, and confetti, streamers (and potentially pithy sayings) are launched out the other end of the tube, with a POP that is intended to remind the user and his friends why they are so merry ("we beat those English fops, sent them and their taxation without representation back to the dingy old isle from which they came, the limey bastards!"). The poor saps who have no friends on your yule celebration could make use of such a device, adapted to the traditions of the two-way cracker, with toys and jokes and whatever-you-like inside. |
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So, for what it's worth, I believe the term is.... baked. |
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Unabubba: The store you`re thinking of is probably harrods, though it has had its "By Royal Appointment" thingy taken away |
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Tankity, Tankity. The 1-way crackers I'm familiar with look like a plastic bottle with a paper bottom. They're okay, but the tiny tissue paper balls that burst on impact are considerably more fun done in jest IMO. |
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Yep, generic insert-occasion-here crackers are available in the US. However, they're usually packaged with $15-$50 fireworks sets, rather than sold individually like party poppers. |
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Interesting stat I just received...4 people reported broken arms last year in mishaps involving crackers. Given that crackers appear to be a primarily British custom...well, I'm just happy to find out that the US isn't the only country where stupid people are thriving. |
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I thought this was about Transexual Bisexual Bing 'White Christmas' Crosby Imitators |
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I thought the one-way cracker would be ideal for buddists attending the christian festival of Christmas. The monk would not actually pull the cracker, but instead use it as a kaon, the subject for meditation; it would provide welcome relief from imagining "one hand clapping"... |
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On the 0th day of Christmas my true love gave to me One cracker cracking... |
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Ideal for plural marriages - |
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(Oh, riposte, call it a public service -- not pedantry -- when I recommend you click on edit and transpose your "a" and "o" in koan; wouldn't want you to get cited by the spelling squad of the Word Police) |
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In these terribly environment-conscious times, surely it's time that all Xmas crackers were reusable rather than disposable? It should be possible to have an explosion mechanism that can be repeatedly rewound or reset. And once the party's over the few paper hats that haven't been rent asunder by overlarge heads, or used to mop up spilt drinks, should be carefully refolded for reuse. Guests should delete the previous joke and write in a new one. |
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This would of course give Tesco and others considerable problems in working out what to fill the shelves with from September onwards.. |
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pulled this one in time for April Fools Day. nice one lubbit. |
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__ ____ ____ __
> \_/ < > \_/ <
> _ < BANG! > _ <
>_ / \____< >___/ \_ <
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is this one in the right category? |
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I think it's sort of bedded in by now. |
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// an explosion mechanism that can be repeatedly rewound or
reset. // |
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no, no, no. It needs at least three, and possibly four dimensions. |
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A tetrahedral topology would be interesting. |
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